About this blog

Ramblings, thoughts, facts and opinions about political things - starting point council tenant participation with my land-lord Camden council and council tenant reps plus other housing issues, and whatever.

Thursday, 4 May 2017

NHS Sustainability and Transformation Plans in Camden

According to the NHS England website HERE, the NHS and local councils have "come together in 44 areas covering all of England to develop proposals and make improvements to health and care. These proposals, called sustainability and transformation plans (STPs), are place-based and built around the needs of the local population." [my emphasis]

STP's are a five year Plan which "will be supported by the six national health and care bodies:
NHS England,
NHS Improvement,
the Care Quality Commission (CQC),
Health Education England (HEE),
Public Health England (PHE) and
the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE)". HERE

" Proposals have now been published for every part of England. They are all at different stages and now patients, the public and NHS staff must help to develop and shape them." The Plans are HERE

The London Borough of Camden comes under the North [Central] London STP HERE. It was updated in Feb 2017 and lists the Partners and Providers.

It doesn't list Connect Physical Health but CPH works with the CCCG and has a 5 year Plan as well HERE which was first published in 2014.

CPH are wanting to 'help' GP practices lessen their work load by being first point of contact instead of GP referring patients to CPH as well as reducing hospital admissions.

"For example, where community MSK services have been fragmented (through General Practice Fund Holders then Any Quality Provider) quality has diminished, onward referrals into hospital have increased and poorer outcomes in the community also mean greater cost. Conversely MSK services based in primary care/community but centrally managed have provided a positive ‘pull’ to GPs and patients because they are ‘user friendly’ and deliver better outcomes. And the taxpayer gains too." HERE

In my case I don't believe the 'care' I received and my overall experience of CPH and being onwarded to the RF hospital had anything to do with what route I came to be a CPH patient but by CPH mis-management of my 'care'.

"Through our experience and expertise in musculoskeletal services, we’re able to provide high quality, patient-focused care that consistently attracts exceptional feedback from patients." HERE
and  "We put patients at the heart of everything we do."
Not in my case though and I wonder in how many others in Camden?

I do understand that in order to provide patients with good care, staff should in general be of good health themselves and that anyone who isn't should receive the support and care they need. But as the case may be I suspect not all staff will ask for help, or even admit it to themselves, and may make mistakes and other staff will cover up for them, which isn't good practice in my view.

In Dec 2016 the then Leader of Camden council, Sarah Hayward had concerns about the Plan HERE and some Doctors also had/have concerns HERE 

As for the Camden Clinical Commissioning Group HERE who I suspect deal a lot better with positive feedback from patients, then they do with negative feedback.  In my case they buried their heads in the sand and this may be the normal practice in the CCCG but it isn't [in my view and probably many others] good practice and puts patients [as well as staff ] at risk.

6 May 2017
Day v Health Education England HERE and
"Junior doctors win greater protection to act as whistleblowers, judges rules" HERE
Dr raised issues about staff shortage and patient safety - career destroyed by  NHS administrators/managers. Will things change? who knows.

7 May 2017
 Primary Care Trusts [PCTs] and local authorities are required to produce a Joint Strategic Needs Assessment [JSNA] of the health and well being of their local community HERE 
" Health and wellbeing boards are at the heart of our plans to transform health and care ...." "Leaders from across the local community will come together in ......."

This is a requirement of The Local Government and Public Involvement in Health Act 2007 HERE.
Part 5 Co-operation of English authorities with local partners,  etc section 116 HERE and includes Part 14 Patient and public involvement in health and social care sections 221 - 234 HERE.

The Health and Social Care Act 2012 HERE sets up Clinical Commissioning Boards and Health and Wellbeing Boards

 Camden councils Health and Wellbeing Board [HWB]was set up in June 2013 HERE
" Pioneer Project was at the discussion stage and that it could provide opportunities to work strategically and creatively across health and social care with partners on commissioning and contracting services." Good luck with that.

Members: at least 1 camden councillor, 3 council directors, [chair]GP of CCCG, GP rep, chief officer CCCG, patient rep, 1 Healthwatch rep and 1 community centres rep and they can appoint other members.

Theres even a Adult Safeguarding Partnership Board "Keeping adults at risk safe has always been a high priority in Camden"

"Writing robust safeguarding clauses into contracts, monitoring providers more closely, and taking swift action on poor care to prevent abuse."

" 3. Listening and engaging
 The views and experiences of our service users, carers and staff improve and develop services across the partnership"

Its a minefield of what should happen but in reality ...... another tick box venture?

back again.
Each year Camden council and the CCCG have to write up and give to the HWB a report of their commissioning intentions. The report from CCCG for 2015/16 HERE is a five year plan.

It says things like:
Patients at the centre 
  • Compassionate, high quality, effective and efficient care pathways shaped by them
  • Care that is integrated and focused around delivery of outcomes defined by them
  • Easy access to services delivered in ways and places convenient to them

Our approach
  • To be open and transparent and encourage everyone to challenge and develop our ideas and scrutinise our decisions
  • Challenge all performance, not just bad performance rather than accept average. Get the basic's right first, welcome complaints, be interested in everything leaving no stone unturned.  
Sounds fantastic doesn't it?

Can you feel the love?

9 May 2017
The Health and Well being Boards do not deal directly with individual cases. Health watch Camden HERE are the body who represent health and social care service users and are a member of the Health and Well being Board.

What worries me about the Safeguarding Adult Partnership Board [SAPB] is that the bar is set way too high for cases that should be addressed but are being discarded without proper investigation.

Camden has a joint Health and Well being Strategy for 2015-18. Improving mental health and well being is one of their priorities.

Apparently the above mentioned strategy wasn't actually agreed etc before the actual start of 2015-18 [3 year cycle] years which I am guessing started from 31 March 2015  - 1 April 2018 or even if the start date is later on in the year, the whole process should have been completed by the start of the 2015 year - shouldn't it or am I missing something?

Camden Councils and the Camden Clinical Commissioning Groups commissioning intentions for the year 2016-17 HERE I think its the case that many contracts are on a yearly basis so that the CCCG can add stipulations to the contracts.

Wow more great stuff:
Commission the delivery of NHS constitutional rights and pledges. Improve the quality and safety of commissioned services. Theres even a redesign of MSK services [UCLH, CH and RFH]. I wonder who got money from the Better Care Fund?

All target driven i suspect which leaves a lot of room for poor care and  performance issues to fall through the cracks.

"Camden CCG is a membership organisation, with 35 general practice members. Our members elect a Governing Body to oversee the work of the CCG. This is made up of Camden clinicians, partner organisation representatives and other groups that have an interest in Camden healthcare. The Governing Body is responsible for our strategies, actions and finances. They also ensure that decisions about changes to local health services are debated openly and fairly."

Not all GPs at my local practice seem aware of the above. The reason I know this is because I don't stick to seeing the same GP. I've seen 3 [could be 4 i'm losing track] different GP's these 5 months and a few others to do with other things in the last 2/3 years.

Now we have Camden council as the lead in all of this - but struggling somewhat to establish their authority on behalf of the local NHS 'service users'.  Is camden council up for the job of making some real improvements [not just tick box ones] or will they fall into line?

13 May 2017

Click HERE for research done by think tank.

Yesterday the NHS [as well as businesses  in lots of other countries]suffered a serious cyber security attack believed to have been caused by an email virus inadvertently clicked on, that spread to some hospitals and GP practices mainly in England but some in Scotland. NHS staff couldn't access computer files, patients medical files, and a message was displayed on the screens about a ransom in bitcom currency to be paid. Its not known if NHS records data has been stolen, copied or changed.

It is said that the NHS computer operating system is Windows XP which hasn't had security updates since 2010.

Talk about timing eh - in the middle of a general election campaign. 

18 May 2017
I can't get my head around the Camden Clinical Commissioning Group [CCCG] being so dismissive of me when I gave them a summary of my experience of Connect Health who they buy health services from on behalf of the NHS for people in Camden. Connect health even have a contract with the CCCG to provide palliative services. I shudder.

keep looking the other way CCCG. 

Thursday, 23 March 2017

Experience of Connect Physical Health NHS Service

I will start with me being sent a letter from operations manager Rachel Brown [after only 3 meetings with the Connect Health physiotherapist]-  a 'Red Card'  telling me along the lines that I have been expelled from using their service - because of 2 'inappropriate' emails I sent: 1 to the manager and the other to the physio. No explanation other than that. Manager also sent an email to me about it.

The managers letter also suggested I would find it difficult to get alternative treatment. As per the company/nhs policy I was also tagged as being Abusive, Aggressive or Violent. 

What must I have done to create such a stir you may be wondering - i will come to that latter.

The 'Red Card' letter was also sent to my GP Practice and put on my medical file. When I asked GP why such letters are accepted without question, the GP couldn't answer. I did however manage to get my explanation of what happened, plus other related stuff put on my file along with the 'red card'.

update 24 March 2017
"In September 2016 UCLH was successful in its tender for lead provider status of an integrated musculoskeletal (MSK) service in Camden, in partnership with the Royal Free, Connect Health (the incumbent community physio provider), Haverstock Healthcare and CNWL. In addition the partnership is also in close discussion with the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital and Whittington Health as other key providers of MSK services in Camden" ref  HERE Apparently CH subcontract  with the RF.

I believe the 2 'offending' emails should be seen in the wider context and not the narrow view that has been taken by CH.

I made a complaint to CH because I felt the way the 'love thing' had been handled was harsh - an over reaction if you like. I mean expelling me like i'm a naughty school child from using an NHS service- that part is actually funny i think. Go sit in the naughty chair over there>>>>>>

I don't really know what RB's argument was for the red card other than it appears to be about protecting their staff against having to account for things when they 'go wrong'. Things can happen that are outside of our control and I am not blaming anyone for what happened, but I am concerned and hurt by how this was handled.

I fell in love with the physiotherapist and I believe the physio fell in love with me. I saw it. It happened in the office of my last and final meeting with physiotherapist. 

update 25 March 2017
  It was powerful, intimate and scary. I was quite shaken by it and I could see that physio was winded. Neither of us said anything, I couldn't, it hadn't registered yet and I think the physio couldn't either.

The aftermath of what happened to me is as follows:  My mind and brain started  processing what had happened and it overwhelmed me and I became emotionally unstable in some ways. I was up and and down up and down. I was feeling elated, lifted up, etc then I was feeling pain and I was crying a lot. Up and down up and down.

I hadn't been able to cry for years not even when my parents died within 2 years of each other and the damn had burst and pain was bad.

I had to try and manage what was happening as best I could - I didn't want to contact the crisis team again or GP. I felt the pain, felt the tears flow,  felt the elation, worked on the feelings, tried to make sense of them. I could feel my brain and heart firing up. My brain was shifting, processing things daily. Lots of confusion. It was also very spiritual as I was sensing things, having dreams whose message seemed clear to me. I was on journey and I didn't really know where I was heading.

Considering the state I was in [emotions so out of control] I decided to change therapist -- it wasn't a very good position for either of us to be in and it was getting in the way of treatment for the neck/shoulders pain.

29 March 2017
I thought I would inform physio of a bit of what was going on with me but it wasn't possible for me to do it verbally so I asked for email contact and it was given but with the condition it was only for 1 reply from physio. This didn't make sense to me and I ignored it.

Anyhow, I changed physio and there was to be no discussion about what had happened so I sent physio an email that seems to have shook things up a bit and the manager emailed me and told me not to contact physio again and when I challenged this I was threatened and I responded to this by saying 'bring it on' sort of thing.

Anyway the 'Red Card' letter comes through the post to me plus email.

And thus my journey around CHs internal system of trying to resolve this. CH have in some ways tried to salvage this and I grateful for that, but its not enough. As a NHS holistic [whatever that means]  healthcare provider, how can CH learn from [things that go right and things that go wrong] if they won't acknowledge things?

update 1 April 2017
I found a reporting from August 2015 on the National Health Executive  website HERE titled Poor complaints handling by NHS has 'serious human costs' - Ombudsman . The report is by the Parliamentary and Health Service Ombudsman [Website HERE]

Another story from 2016 titled Nearly two-thirds of NHS complaints unhappy with outcome HERE

The way an issue is [badly] handled can be a worse 'injustice' then the original issue I think.

update 6 April 2017
I feel worn down today and feel like giving up on this. I think whats the point in pursing it further when CH doesn't seem to give a 4xxxx about the truth, good practice,  etc, - why should they? conflicting interests. 

I get it - when push comes to shove staff will be protected over patients and patients will just have to get over it, move on. The balance of power/protection is unequal I think.Is this how they handle all 'situations' I wonder?

Things could have been worse. Some people fight for years and years to try and get justice over something greatly significant that went wrong in the NHS like a child dying etc. Its 'only' emotions.

Shall I take their 2 'good will' gestures  and count my lucky stars?

Do I give up despite still having concerns?

Think I've just talked meself back into battle mode, polishing up my armour.

9 April 2017
Did I mention I fell in love?  what a connection to go/be pulled  crashing into when I was supposed to be taking small steps connecting with others.   It was profound like I had never known before and no wonder it triggered such a reaction. Can I have some more drugs please? only kidding.

Trying to make sense of it, my reaction, and the physio's reaction.

11 April 2017
The House of Commons briefing paper [ 10 April 2017] on NHS Complaints Procedures in England can be found HERE

" The NHS complaints system is designed to provide explanations of what happened and, where appropriate, apologies and information about action taken to ensure similar incidents don't happen again" [my emphasis]

Not so in this case where CH choose to protect their Camden based people at any cost [it seems].

The NHS Constitution [governing legal document]which Pledges "to ensure that when mistakes happen or if you are harmed whilst receiving healthcare you receive an appropriate explanation" [my emphasis] .

Or in CH's case when things go wrong or 'misunderstandings' as CH may like to suggest they were, they use 'underhanded tactics' to further mess with your emotions/feelings.  I mean who would believe a 'mentally vulnerable' patient over NHS 'professionals' ?

In January 2015 the Health Select Committee published a report  called Complaints and Raising Concerns  HERE : "too many complaints are mishandled with people experiencing poor communication or, at worse a defensive and complicated  system which results in a complete breakdown of trust and a failure to improve patient safety" [my emphasis]

I know there are many great and decent people in the NHS, but when it comes down to it, how many will tell the truth and admit something [when things go wrong] because its the decent and right thing to do?

I can only describe it as akin to what I felt when my mother died. She was alive in bed and I went out of the hospital room and when I came back in she was gone. I looked at her and I felt a shake/slap inside my head and it spread down through my body. I didn't react other than switching off some more.

 I looked into physio's eyes and I saw that physio loved me and that was when I fell in love. I felt 'it'  come from physio through the eyes , go through my eyes and into the front of my head, like a ghost/spirit entering my head causing a quiet explosion behind my eyes. Later it spread down through my nervous system and caused havoc.

For some unknown reason I thought I was safe, and I embraced it, but I wasn't safe. How could I have gotten the safe feeling so wrong?

update 14 April 2017
You know when you don't take things in right away? like when you read a letter or alike and its only when you re-read that things about what is being said and how its said sink in?

I've found as well that one can also pick up on who has written things [no not the digital signature at end of letter].

I thought the way the issue had been handled was about 'taking back control' but I now think its about not being in control - again. We can't control everything. We can try though.

15 April 2017
Ben Watling, Head of Governance and Compliance who is a founding member of CH name is on replies to the 2 stages of CH complaints system. 

I believe that CH complaints are wholly managed at a local level - who where in such a hurry to reply to stage 1 of the complaints that they 'forgot' to follow CH own complaints procedures [bar 1].  I must have really spooked the physio with the 'offending' email I sent and had to be got rid of asap.

I was referred to CH about quite bad at times pain in neck/shoulders [that I believe is aggravated by stress] and pain in top of arm and came away with more pain then I hope they never have to experience. Maybe its the word Pain [and its meaning] that frightens them so much? or maybe its the love thing?

How CH have also played this is to send me a reply to stage one complaint - mentioning a 'yellow card' warning they apparently issue when they claim there has been a 'misunderstanding' where they don't have evidence [other than patients word I guessing] of what happened [a 'yellow card' warning hadn't been issued] and they used an email I sent as 'evidence', not of what happened but as evidence of me being 'inappropriate'. And saying the reply was the end of the matter or whatever unless GP wanted a word - or something. Authoritative I think. Confident even.

Am I a crazy mad person some may ask? Well so far I haven't been assessed as such - battered and bruised but not crazy.

My brain is still functioning well in many areas.

18 April 2017
I'm reading the Transforming Primary Care in London: A strategic Commissioning Framework  HERE. HERE is the Camden Council and NHS strategy [2016] to achieve by 2020.

CH said they would make a referral to the RF for me to have further treatment and that I should receive a letter from RF in the near future.

I have been waiting nearly a month now.  Will have to chase it up soon.

22 April 2017
Sent email to CH  about referral and waiting now, not necessarily for a reply but a letter with my 'promised' appointment on it.

Think I will need a proper examination of the shoulder/neck area as shown in various video's i've watched as a sneaky poke in my left shoulder that hurt a lot and then jumping away - does not maketh a proper examination.

23 April 2017
I suspect things won't get resolved in Camden [by the Camden Clinical Commissioning Group] and I haven't yet sent a summary of my experience to Camden councils Health and Well being Board HERE who are the leading partners in the commissioning/buying of health services, and I suspect it still won't be resolved, so I will be going outside the borough to either the Care Quality Commission HERE Parliamentary and Heath Service Ombudsman HERE.  I think thought i'm not clear on this that you can only go to one or the other.

There is also the Health and Social Care Council HERE who register people working in the Heath and Social care professions so that they can legally practice in the UK.

I really don't want to go to any of the above but it will probably happen.

Unfulfilled expectations.

25 April 2017
Its hard not too feel anger and want justice retribution when something/someone hurts you badly. Its a 'normal' human reaction to being harmed. We ain't all robots - yet. Best we don't program them to have the full range of human emotions I think.

I feel like I was standing on a railway track and I didn't see the high speed train coming toward me and it didn't see me.

Crash, bang, wollop - triggered me big time didn't it and my system couldn't handle it. Its not a minor thing. It caused me a lot of pain, more pain then I thought was possible. I have fears it has caused long term damage, but I am trying not to let that happen. Maybe I was being cleansed in some way.

Then when I was trying to manage this I was slapped hard by Connect Health and that caused further pain and then the fear of it causing long term damage.

No understanding, no sensitivity, no empathy. They didn't or couldn't understand my pain and I doubt if they understand anyone else's.

I have to say though that a NHS health care professional once said we did care about my pain, our pain or something like that, and I didn't know how to respond so I didn't. I didn't see him again. It was a nice thing to say. I know there are lots of good people in the NHS who do care but that doesn't take away the feeling I have that our glorious NHS stole my heart, broke me down and then broke my heart. [Think it was more like :]broke me down, stole my heart, then broke my heart.

I don't want an apology, I don't want money, I want the truth.

As a private company providing public health care services on behalf of the NHS, CH are not subjected to the Freedom of Information Act 2000 - are not classed as public bodies. Though CH do come under the Data Protection Act 1998 HERE.

I was triggered last night and it brought the anger feeling to the fore and its still there. I don't like this feeling. I am trying to let go of it. I am telling myself out loud to let go of it and I will need to meditate later on. Apparently all feelings stem from 2 intrinsic emotions: Love and Fear.

29 April 2017
I will contact the CCCG next week to see when a manager is supposed to me getting back to me about my experience I gave them about CH 2/3 week ago.

Am still waiting for referral from the royal free hospital about continuing with treatment for my shoulders/neck pain [ referred to by CH ]  as well a referral to see a psychotherapist as I have stuff I need to work including what happened with CH as its affect will be with me for some time I think. I can't just snap out of this like it didn't mean anything.

I didn't know until I had a look on the NHS website HERE that the maximum waiting time in most cases is 18 weeks from start of when referral is made, though I think locally there may be agreements for shorter referral times.

Also that one has in most cases a choice of where you want to go for the treatment which hasn't happened most times I have seen a GP. GP's seem to think or give the impression that connect health is the only and lead  msk provider, GP seemed to think CH is still the lead MSK provider when the UCLH now is - I believe from 1 April 2017.

I wouldn't choose to use CH services again not after how badly the situation was handled by them. I have contacted the RF hospital to inquire if they have had a referral about me.

1 May 2017
Emailed the Camden CCG again to see if I will be getting a reply from a manager [as stated] and requested they please ask if they require me to clarify anything. I don't know what the usual waiting time is for CCG replies to feedback is but I sense they are delaying replying.  If CH thought I would be going away quietly and just disappear into thin air they thought wrong. GP spoke with RB the CH operations manager but didn't elaborate on what was said and I didn't ask. Why didn't I ask one may wonder - i don't really know why other then I find it hard to talk to GP about what happened, but I did write stuff down which is on my medical file. Writing things down is a lot easier for me to do then verbalizing them, though I have got better at doing it with some people.

Even now as I 'write' this I feel my heart pounding, the nervousness, the fear - fight or flight. Triggers. Emotions/feelings. The untouchables.

All I require from CH/NHS to remedy this is and to which I am entitled to a remedy as I have been harmed as a result of receiving treatment from  them and then harmed again in how CH dealt with it is:
 1. Physio to tell the truth about what happened and 2. CH to explain why they handled it in the manner they did. 3. CH to make sure if something like this happens again that it is managed with understanding, sensitivity and empathy and not the heavy handed manner I was subjected to.

2 May 2017
RF hospital contacted me today about the referral. A letter from them was sent out to me 4 weeks ago, which I didn't receive - letters get lost in the post sometimes, it happens. I now have an appointment with a physio for later this month which is good news but for some reason it felt like I was being wrenched away. It might be a chemical reaction.
CCCG's response will be sent out this week apparently.

3 May 2017
Camden CCG have replied - it is as expected that they have taken Connect Health's side on this. They haven't even addressed what I said happened- [head in sand - don't tell me don't tell me, im not listening fingers in ears lalalalala] which is very disappointing and doesn't in my view do anything to protect patients - but does protect CH staff which seems to be the leading factor in this. Protect 'their' people at all/any cost because that's whats really matters it seems. I know what happened and physiotherapist knows what happened.

I'm not giving up.

6 May 2017
Received appointment letter from RF hospital.

9 May 2017
I am still feeling the love and sometimes it doesn't hurt to do so. Whats that about? Some connections are hard to break[down] or don't want to be broken. 

The robots really are running things. Did someone forget to program 'compassion, empathy, love' into them?

is it warm or cold blood that runs through their veins?

Was love ever part of the NHS, I'm sure it must have been somewhere along the line. Our glorious [fractured] NHS, come back home to where you belong. Many love you deeply.

I think I'm not going to get any further in Camden with this case other than spreading awareness - on a positive note I am learning new things as I go along.

12 May 2017
Am feeling torn again.
Its only emotions.

Blimey, lots of chaos today in parts of the NHS caused by computer virus in IT System. It wasn't me gov. Promise.

Politics, its a game ain't it?

Hope no one's life is put in danger. Terror attack?

With love always.

13 May 2017
Contacted Health Watch Camden HERE to see if they could help me with my complaint to the PHSO. They have provided links to other groups but cannot provide individual advocacy help themselves. They can monitor to see if further complaints about the CH service reach them and can report to the Care Quality Commission [CQC] any concerns. They didn't say whether or not they have had  other complaints about connect health.

CH was last inspected by the CQC in  Feb 2014 HERE
Overall they had a Good rating. Their complaints handling: "People should have their complaints listened to ..."  The word "listen" doesn't mean 'take seriously and act on' though.

But the CQC said they checked that people who use this service [doesn't say how many]:
  •  Are sure that their comments and complaints are listened to and acted on effectively.
  • Know that they will not be discriminated against for making a complaint.
" We looked at the personal care or treatment records of people who use the service, carried out a visit on 28 February 2013, talked with people who use the service and talked with staff"

Our Judgement:  "There was an effective complaints system available. Comments and complaints people made were responded to appropriately."

There may well have been [and still is] an effective complaints system available. Effective to whom is another matter.

All is well in CPH complaints handling world apparently.

14 May 2017
Everything you need to know about managing or employing Health and Care Professionals Council and HCPC registrants HERE 

Introducing the revised standards of conduct, performance and ethics HERE ......"open and honest when things go wrong".

HCPC website HERE

2016 Revised Standards of Conduct: Proficiency  HERE
"understand the need to act in the best interests of service users
at all time"

Heres an interesting one:
"be able to assess a professional situation, determine the nature and severity of the problem and call upon the required knowledge and experience to deal with the problem" 

"8. Be able to communicate effectively
 8.1 be able to demonstrate effective and appropriate verbal and non-verbal skills, in communicating information and professional opinion to service users, colleagues and others"

"8.7 understand the need to assist the communication needs of service users .."
"8. 8 recognise the need to use interpersonal skills to encourage the active participation of service users"

Sta n
 11. Be able to reflect and review practice 
12. Be able to assure the quality of their practice

Research report
Preventing small problems from becoming large problems in health and care HERE

17 May 2017
I find that having to go over stuff to do with this case [upcoming complaint to phso] ie emails and letters and more recently medical records brings on my anxiety -  the dread feeling[painful feelings relating to CH expelling me and what happened afterwards] then the pounding heart and sometimes shaking of hands and legs. Pounding heart. If not actual shaking of body parts then feeling shaky inside like I will fall apart and crumble into a thousand pieces. Affects verbal ability to communicate properly.

CH where aware of anxiety 'condition' , my stress due to living environment, my being on anti-depressants and taking weed for the pain both mental and physical - I wasn't at my best.

When it came down to it protecting staff was more important than the health and well being of a patient. That 'fact' really does hurt me and I hope no other patient has to go through a similar experience.

Connect health physiotherapists are supposed to have a 'holistic' approach to helping patients manage pain - on behalf of the NHS.
I'm baffled as to what Holistic actually means.

Hands up anyone who knows? none. ok.

Can you feel my pain connect physical health centres limited [trading as connect health] ? its still there. [update 25 May 2017 - found the bio-psycho-social [holistic] model which apparently the gov is big into HERE and HERE

19 May 2017
I'm fed up with connect physical health and their 'the matter is now closed' attitude. Its so dismissive. As far as I am concerned the matter is far from being closed. Swot, swot away.

I think of connect health as fiefdoms - groups of vassals who have taken control of the local land and have vowed loyalty to the big overload/s at the top. This includes protecting the 'good' name of the big money making overloads.

It won't do for any of the locals to make a fuss about harsh treatment by a vassal or two, so they will try and discredit anyone who does so. The big chief overlord is happy about this arrangement - I suspect. Vassals and overlords mutually beneficial arrangement.

Connect apparently conduct 12 different audits a year - 'robust' reporting systems. Local teams are responsible for writing these up. Much like complaint handling I suspect.

These 'robust' local audits helps the overlords to 'truthfully' measure the quality, safety and effectiveness of their services. It even mentions openness and transparency.

 The peoples republic of Camden is surely to crumble under the onslaught of such 'compassion, understanding, empathy and honesty'.

 Connect can then carry on their 'merry way' taking control over more and more land, becoming more and more powerful - but with little real accountability. It helps to have the local NHS clinical commissioning group as an ally.

21 May 2017
You can go onto the PHSO website, register and login to start the complaint process on line, save it and go back to it. They keep the file open for 30 days.

22 May 2017
I came across the Withholding Treatment Procedure to do with the NHS - I guess it also applies to outsourced service providers. Its dated 15 January 2015. HERE 

I wonder what was the 'unacceptable risk' I posed to connect health staff that they 'had to' in the  first instance issue me with a 'red card' letter expelling me from connect health.

What exactly did I said in those emails that elicited such a response?

As the document says:

"The Red Card Status may be invoked, where the patient has failed to comply with the terms of the procedure during Yellow card status and in situations where the patients behaviour has been of an extreme or serious nature"

Extreme or serious? All will be revealed in time.

23 May 2017
Went to see new physiotherapist at the RF hospital - who did a proper examination of my neck and shoulders.

She didn't mention me being expelled from connect but I mentioned it and briefly said what happened ie the falling in love etc, etc, etc. Lots of physiotherapists around the place. Will go back to see physio in a few weeks time.

I feel sad about all that has happened with connect health and I also feel torn again.

 I feel torn because of the love thing towards physio and feeling that I shouldn't say anything, shouldn't pursue this, should drop it but I can't do that. I've tried to but I can't.

I really do hope that the connect physio gets help or has gotten help with how s/he was affected, but I doubt it will happen as physio would have to admit things first and as 'crazy' as it may sound to some [including myself] it did happen.

Physio has I  believe taken a dangerous gamble with their career - and for what?

I may have difficulties with some things but I do see things - how other people behave, tone of voice, body language etc,  even if I am slow at times in reacting/understanding.

With love.

I will survive.

28 May 2017
Apparently the below is a photo of  Ben Watling who is the Director of Governance and Compliance or another title he is known by Director of Occupational Physiotherapy Services at Connect Physical Health Centres Ltd trading as Connect Health.

His name is on the replies to stage one and stage two of their complaints handling system. How can it be fair or right  that he replies to both stages? If you have to go to stage 2 its because stage one hasn't been remedied [by him] only to get to stage two that also isn't remedied by him. How can that be fair?

He's not on the Board of Directors though HERE

According to Companies House website HERE A Mr Benedict Watling resigned as a Connect Health company Director on 23 May 2013.

Apparently a Mr Benedict Watling is only registered as the secretary of a company incorporated in 2000 called Neepha Limited which is registered at Connect Health, Q2 The Lightbox Quorum Business Park, Benton Lane, Newcastle Upon Tyne, Tyne And Wear, England, NE12 8EU - non trading. Confirmation statement overdue.

Connect Healths address is also Connect Health, The Light Box 2nd Floor, Quorum Business Park, Newcastle upon Tyne, N212 8EU.

What does it mean?

Ben Watling is the CH Registered Manager  according to the CQC website HERE

This is an odd one "list of services and areas where we, the Care Quality Commission, authorise and regulate this service to operate.

Local  Authority North Tyneside."

I can't find any more areas. Maybe I'm not looking in the right place.

I'm confused - CH was registering with the CQC in 2016 no services have been inspected. 
yet another CH was registered with the CQC prior to that at a different address.

I'm going to have to put in a information request to the CQC and ask them what it all means.

I have to admit that since Rachel Brown CH Camden operations manager threatened me via email [ 'Mr Watling' lied about it in complaint reply] to not contact the phsyio [I think the Love thing is banned in and on the NHS] and then [harshly I believe] expelled me from using CH services [I could feel the anger/outrage in those emails and 'red card' letter - I think 'she' forgot to add 'burn in hell bitch'] I have been constantly confused by CH and how they operate and handle things. Its like living in the twilight zone. 

Its all 'fun' and games with connect health.

Friday, 10 March 2017


According to the NHS website HERE Well being  is:

" Feeling happy is a part of mental well being. But it’s far from the whole.
Feelings of contentment, enjoyment, confidence and engagement with the world are all a part of mental well being.
 Self-esteem and self-confidence are, too.
So is a feeling that you can do the things you want to do. And so are good relationships, which bring joy to you and those around you."

The thing is that when one been disconnected from people (all, some, most) but then reaches a point in their life existence  for connection with the right people, the earth, nature, other beings, the universe it does come with its problems  as well as its benefits.

Opening up can start with taking in the beauty around you like the trees, flowers, etc, like looking up to the sky on a clear night and seeing the stars, the moon, or in the day the sun, and feeling, seeing them as the wondrous things they are. Learning that everything is connected, or has the potential of being connected. Learning how the human brain works, atoms, particles, etc, exploring the mind, the soul, trying to function as a whole instead of fractured parts.

I'm not going mad, i'm really not, just moving to a different frequency (i think) to try and make this existence bearable. Its a slow process and some times it feels like one step forward, 3 steps back, but its happening.

Being connected means seeing/knowing/feeling others pain. Feeling others joy. Knowing its all one. Its spiritual, intangible. At times I can feel myself lifting up towards the light and i feel my heart fire up and my brain fire up but then the pain drags me back down again.

I had a glorious mighty experience. It was also a mighty painful one. Still is. It had a profound affect on me. I need good sleep. I have various battles to fight. 

I will probably change my mind later on and take this post down as I'm really tired and need to sleep and don't  know what point i'm trying make. I'm sure i started of with a point in mind but ive lost it now or maybe i have made the point and don't realise it yet.

13 March 2017
sometimes its like the pain doesn't can't really belong to me. not sure the ups are really mine either.

Thank you for being open but ...... Shall I close myself up again?

Some NHS services should come with a health warning I reckon.

14 March 2017
Am feeling the warm glow inside of me this evening - but its a struggle to keep hold of it continuously but I'm trying.

17 March 2017
Am trying a new technique: replacing the pain feeling with the warm glow feeling. It seems to have worked a bit this late eve but was hard - or maybe it was the magic dust that I came across that did it - who knows.

18 March 2017
Came down a bit (crashed) from the warm glow and sleep isn't too good. Need good sleep.

19 March 2017
Am sure that at least some of the pain I feel in my neck and shoulders and which I was receiving NHS treatment for (but wasn't able to continue with), is to do with stress, anxiety etc.

22 March 2017
Pain in my right shoulder is fierce today. What doesn't kill ya makes you stronger [in some ways] apparently.

The Battle has shifted onto a higher level.

With love.

27 March 2017
Have been finding it harder and harder to go outside even to the front gate without feeling strange inside, without anxiety over what I'm not really sure about. Its like I feel vulnerable to something I can't yet work out and I want to go back inside but inside isn't safe not entirely.

I know I haven't gone back inside myself as before and closed up but instead of feeling like I am blending into the outside [being invisible maybe] I am so very aware of being held in a body [container]  that won't loosen its grip on me not even a bit to let me expand as I need to.

30 march 2017
am a bit lifted at present and think I may at some point go find a [little] hill and go sit down on it and meditate [for a few minutes] - not forgetting to hug an old [wise?]  tree on my way down. But I might not even have to go out just imagine it in my mind.

1 April 2017
I feel as if I was given something magical but then it was snatched away from me and has caused a deep painful wound in my soul. I need to mend. I am alive existing. I will find a way.

am like a water fountain that keeps switching on and off. i feel dehydrated. im turning into a sun dried prune. ffs. and if I go out in the sun I might just combust as well. sleep. sleep. sleep. I laugh. Is this a test?

With love.

2 April 2017
Tears for Fears. Tears for Love.
I think I'm processing things better than I used to. I don't have the usual self loathing thoughts [though I know they are there lurking, rising but falling back]. The blame. The weakness. Shifting. They are no use to me anymore. I will heal. Believe. Patience.

I weep again.  Am I being cleansed, unblocked? My questioning mind. Always. It is what it is.


back again.....
I was listening to some relaxing celtic music on utube HERE - 
it helped a bit for a little while - i was imagining at first being at the seaside, not many people about, a warm slighly breezy day, i was alone, and that was okay. I looked out to the sea and looked around to take more of it in, and I lifted up off the ground and I could rise higher. Its not quite perfected though, I need to control it. I went to the cliff edge, lifted, I went to look at volanco, a vast river, forrest, mountains, lakes, wildlife in natural habit, birds, I was in the sky when snow fell, when lightening struck, when the wind was fierce, when the rain poured down. Magnetic shield around me. My friends. Thank you. I forgot to look up at the sun.

I was on the earth and I looked at the creatures who lived within it and I thanked them. I went down into the earth, deep down, through its natural resources and I came to the centre - 'metal/iron' - i kissed it. I love you. I must go up now.

I rise up through the earth and surface and its nightime and I look up and I see so many stars, overwhelming. So many. I rise up and I remember the magnetic shield around the earth and I think how can I be rising, floating up  when gravity is supposed to keep me down. Then I remembered I just can. I didn't  get up to far though as I got distracted. For a little while I felt such joy, saw such beauty I weep.

I think i'm starting to freak myself out a bit.

emotions, sometimes its like I don't really want to let them go, the pain. as if I do I will be letting go of something I am afraid to let go off.  Damned if I do damned if i don't?  My eyes are opened with a glow of brightness.

Really i'm not going mad [i keep telling myself]

I nearly forgot the moon, respect always.

3 March 2017
I can't sleep for more than a few hours without waking up. I need good sleep. I weep again. am trying not to feel hate, anger, not to feel the scream in my head destroy what is left of me.

I feel sad.

But you are human, not a supernatural all powerful god.but I am. I am. eck wasn't it the royals who had the slogan "I am" in their invector games.

Lord of the rings. Good v bad. Why am talking such bs? because im expunging this poison from my body, mind, spirit. Nuclear waste.radioactive waste.  Know thy enemy. sleep.

4 April 2017
feel deflated today and don't have enough energy to do much. Feel like my body keeps going to sleep while i'm awake. would like to start swimming again one day. Why are some things so difficult to do, seemingly easy things on the face of it, such hurdles to get over, or around depending on how you look at it.

I feel I don't have enough time left - that life has passed me by [or i let it pass me by] - what if this really is the only existence we have? but I won't care/know when I die, so why do I care whilst living? afraid of living and afraid of dying. feel disconnected again on some levels.

6 April 2017
Didn't feel too bad for a while yesterday but later deflated quite a bit. Am sleeping a lot now but sleep still interrupted. Fell asleep at one point listening to radio - subject was genes and sleep disorders or something like that.

7 April 2017
Fight or flight - both. Lots of tears and acknowledging uncomfortable thoughts that need to be processed properly - apologies to anyone caught in the crossfire between my conscious and unconscious state.  Some things seem to take a while to filter through, for me to really see understand them.

was ok for a few hours earlier today then mini brake down again [the pain, the tears] i wish I could go 1 whole day without the pain hurting so much it reduces me to tears.  even every other day would be progress. My neck and shoulders are playing me up today. I  feel weak but I know I am stronger than before. Believe.

Think I need to meditate again [can't do it everyday takes so much energy and have to be in right frame of mind] especially the trip I had the other day. I will get there. I will get there.

Does my pain repel you?  Is it your pain? the universe?

I started writing this sort of stuff and on this website because I am tired of hiding, of feeling ashamed of the difficulties I have, what I feel, what pains me,  what holds me back. The pain dominates. I have to ascend. I love you.

9 April 2017
wish i would stfu and stop writing this bs on here making a show of myself.  buck up your ideas, pull yourself together as some would say. Sometimes I can't read this stuff without feeling repelled or repulsed. Do xxxx off.

You know when some of the feelings/thoughts you have that you still find you are too ashamed  afraid to say to anyone else. Nothing bad about doing harm to anyone or anything like that just being human things. When at times you feel lonely and long to connect with the right being/s and be able to build on it. Or maybe the feeling is about a longing to properly connect with oneself and the universe in general but not feeling that you are. Patience. But there's not enough time. Patience.

When you have to keep people, even friends and family at a distance because you can't not do so. Maybe they aren't the right people to properly connect with or maybe you have a phobia of getting too close to any being.  To be free from oneself.  Rewind and start again.

From Camden with love.

12 April 2017
Saw GP today who was very supportive, which I appreciate a lot.

14 April 2017
put on the relaxation music and lay down and went for a journey inside my mind. It wasn't as intense as the last one - haven't been able to do deep [for me it is - small steps] meditation that often.

I saw things I needed to realise before I can ascend past the earths magnetic rings. I saw I had to get past my fear of heights. I also saw that the built up city I live in is like a barrier around me that stops the higher frequencies from freely flowing through. I need space. The open countryside, the sea, lakes, mountains, open unobstructed space.

I am in the ocean and I see the biggest creature on earth - the blue whale, magnificent in its sheer size, I am beside it I see into its eyes. We are one. I see the tiniest of ocean creatures, we are one. Thank you my friends. Know I love you.

I am on the top of the Post Office tower and I look out and I see more of whats around me. Don't look down, look ahead and above. Don't look down and see height, see a floor, a secure floor. The top of the tower opens up to look out side. I hesitate. Believe. I am afraid. Believe. I step out of the tower and its a floor. Its secure.

But what do i do now?

I go down and look at the creatures who live in the skies, on the wind, eagles, other birds. Creatures who live in the trees, on mountains. I see the creatures who live on the earths surface and it is the human creatures that disappoint and hurt me, who cause so much pain, why is that so? There are good humans but so much damage is done.

I go down through the earth and I get to the core. At first there is nothing just a space and after a little wait I hear it speaking to me. I am you and you are me. I am afraid, don't be. I love you and you love me. Yes. Know it. I smile. Thank you.

I swirl around like a switched on power drill [on reflection it probably was a bit slower swirl] and I rise back up through the earth and arrive on the surface.

Journey ends for now. Not sure where I am going. I feel fear. Thats ok.
Am sleeping for longer periods now. But it might change again, just have to wait and see.

15 April 2017
The feeling of fighting for my life is surfacing again, like I'm drowning in rough waters in the middle of nowhere, and keep coming up for air to take into my lungs.

I know how to swim, not brilliantly though, but I need to find something to hold onto or I will go under for sure. I will conquer up a swimming ring to put around me and hold me steady[ish] until the fog clears and I can really see where I am.

Not got me yet.

With love.

17 April 2017
Felling quite anxious today but I know what it may be about.
Without tempting fate, I have managed to go 2 whole days without the water works. I have struggled a lot with loosening the grip a bit.

Am feeling spiritual today. I see not what was snatched [so cruelly it seemed] from me but what was given - and I still have it. It was a gift. Thank you. With love.

18 April 2017
have had a piece of the tune from the Waltz of the Roses HERE playing in my head on and off since I woke up. I had to listen to it again. It is most beautiful, caressing piece. Felt like a violin bow was literally playing the tune on my heart and I could picture it in my mind.  Very deep tune. Takes my breath away ..... then I deflated.

Wonders where I go from here.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't here, that I no longer existed, that I never had existed. What was the point in my birth? Having to search for reasons for this existence when it should be known from the start - I think. 

I'm not suicidal, just questioning the reasons for my existence on this planet, an existential crisis.

Where do you go after your nervous system has broken down a bit and brought out so much pain at times thought you would fully  breakdown, but you just can't let that happen, you won't let that happen.

When not long before this you are triggered so close to breaking point it frightens the bejesus out of you and have to 'reach out man' and contact mental health crisis team who provided some support which i am grateful for, but it wasn't on going. I was discarded discharged without being informed. Do they think people don't find it hard enough at times to 'reach out', admit their problems, their difficulties that stops them from functioning properly? Seems that in patients are also having to battle with the problem of not enough help being provided by the NHS.

It could have been a lot worse I think and I am thankful for the support I appear to be currently receiving from GP and Camden councils housing officer. It may all have an illusion playing tricks with my mind though.

I thought back to the days when I couldn't speak at all about what was going on. I was mute, I really couldn't get words out, didn't know the words, didn't know what was happening other then I had to escape from this existence, that I had to pull away, retreat.

Where do you go? 

With love always.

21 April 2017
Anyway, thank goodness there are many good people still around and that love really does have healing powers. Its a mighty force.

I'm tired must get some sleep soon.

23 April 2017
Other peoples love - and pain - attracts and repels  - sometimes at the same time or there about I think.

I have been trying for a while to do the stopping/silencing my thoughts mediation thing- gaining control over them, but its very difficult to do - for me at least. I think I have progressed a teeny tiny bit though in that I have noticed that there are 2 areas in my mind/brain where the thoughts come from - what feels like the front and back and that at least the first set of thoughts that come I am able to stop/silence them for a wee tiny bit longer then before.

I did notice though and it reminded me of a story I read about a man who went to live in a remote jungle with a few people - to experience their 'world' I suppose and to find the meaning of awakening - or something like that and do the stopping of thoughts thing. Well he concluded there was nothing there. Nothing.

I thought about this again as twice I had been in nothingness state for a small amount of time - and thought - its about first experiencing the nothingness and its disappointment then knowing that you have to wait for the nothingness to communicate with you. Maybe its a very long wait for some, maybe not so long for others.

26 April 2017
I'm not sure meditation is supposed to make me cry but it does at times as I battle with trying to let go of the pain, the hurt, feels like there is so much of it inside me. Where are the happy feelings, the contentment feelings? I can only remember feeling happy on a few past occasions for a  few fleeting moments - where I actually thought "I feel happy".

I am probably my worst enemy in many ways. I never believed I had the strength, the know how to live instead of existing.

Yesterday as I was cycling down a nearby leafy street, I looked around at the trees, and I soaked them up and I felt good for a little while. I found myself telling the trees I loved them. Another time when I was cycling down a road where the autumn leaves where on the ground and a gust of wind blew the leaves up and around me as I cycled. It was magical.

Why is it so hard to hold onto the magical?

I've got the magical back - don't know how long it will last thought. I need to discipline myself a lot more as I have become very sluggish in many ways. I can do it. I can do it.

1 May 2017
Bad day yesterday - not much energy, lots of crying. feeling a great need for a meaningful connection, feeling needy which I hate. What do you not understand?

Feeling I have no control over the pain, the tears - up and down round and round. At least though the anti depressants seem to control the depression to a large degree, though it does seep through at times. They don't help with the anxiety, the obsessive [not total obsessive] thinking, the pain, the tears, the fear. This has been going on now for 4 months,and I'm feeling annoyed with myself for not being strong enough to have moved on from this. Can I have lots of strong drugs please? Can I have a different existence please?

2 May 2017
I am trying a new technique for dealing with my negative emotions: instead of wanting the pain to go away, telling it to go away, I am now trying to accept unconditionally what ever feelings arise and not push them aside. To 'listen' to them with love, without judgement, without putting a name to them, for however long them need to talk. They are me - all one energy. I know I also have to believe in my self, change and believe the narrative in my head that tells me how disgusting, horrible, etc etc etc I am - challenge it always. This is a journey in which I am learning, realising, awakening. I am impatient at times.

If this doesn't work after a period of time I will find something else.
With love.

chemical bonds or spiritual bonds? is it all down to chemicals i wonder.

Nature and nurture all the same thing - chemical reactions? maybe we can change the chemical reactions by using our minds?  wow what a thought. Has there been studies? am I stoned and does it really matter?

6 may 2017
I had to agree to have one of cats [sister/twin of remaining cat 6 y/o] put to sleep yesterday - vet couldn't save her, they tried over a number of days but couldn't find out the cause of why she was so poorly - they think she may have been poisoned when outside. Love you always sweetheart xxx.

                              Bonny [sitting up] and Jack when kittens

the pain is fierce tonight.

9 May 2017
Have been feeling a bit more lifted, high but not too high. My senses are heightened and I feel the love. It keeps coming back to me like it can't not filling my whole being and no amount of pain is going to stop it.  The connection I felt I had lost with some others changed into the connection with myself. We are taught we only have have 5 senses: smell, sight, taste, hearing, touch but we are not taught that many other senses flows from them, or along side them. Wow I really must go sit on a hill in the sun and mediate. I might  combust though.

10 May 2017
Find that my moods don't stay constant for more than 2 days. In some way its like living with lots of different beings, but they are all one.

I was making connections, I could feel them, thought they where positive, then wallop - the hadron collider thing happens and its wtf is this. Why did this happen, why has it caused so much pain. It feels like there will be no further connecting. Is this the end of the line? I hope not.

My brain, my mind, my soul, my existence, my whole being stares at me in the face, up close - looking into my eyes, daring me to stare back and really look, see, understand what is inside.

The reason I keep equating what happened, to atoms, and charged particles etc to is because it is what happened. Surely I can't be the only person in whole world that has had this experience? Hello earth, am I really a creature from outer space? I come in peace, but have 'stolen' this human body for experimental purposes but I don't know what state I will leave it in.

12 may 2017
I miss my little furry one. Sometimes I'd wonder which of the 2 would go first - now I know but wish I didn't.

Will chase psych referral up soon which the Tavistock and Portman - assessment at GP practice.

not so long ago I had a strange feeling inside  [I think it was my heart] or that area, had actually moved/shifted like it had tried to leave my body but couldn't.

I've felt lonely on and off today. Its a discomforting feeling even if it only lasts a  few seconds at a time. Thankfully its not a problem as such as I don't feel it most days but it may be tied into needing to feel connected to [some] other people and fear of intimacy. I keep forgetting not to put labels on feelings as good or bad and just accept them without judgement. But how can i really do that?

Chemicals, hormones. I need good sleep. I sometimes have re-occurring themed dreams that i remember most of, that I need to figure out what they mean but i can't. I don't have feelings and sensations in my dreams. I wish I could understand them and control them and feel I am actually alive in them. Control control control. Life but not as we know it.

But we can't control everything.

Getting tired of all this mental health awareness malarky - its like by bringing it to the fore of public awareness = things/people are going to change for the better and we are all going to be 'healed' and live fluffy lives or something. BS. But one has to pretend to try and make it through the day.

Happy, smiley people = don't ya just 'hate' them?

Anyway, positive thoughts, positive feelings, positive energy and healing.

Bring on the robots I'm getting fed up with all this emotional stuff.

back again
lots of intense feelings and tears. I was triggered - delayed reaction. will sleep soon. having trouble making sense of some things that I feel I need to make sense of. I have to make sense of. Is that rational? Sometimes I think I know. Other times I don't know. sleep.

With love from Camden.

13 May 2017
feel like I am going backwards again instead of forward - lots of intense feelings again - its like they are attacking me, stabbing at me, daring/willing me to break under their force. Testing me.

On a positive note, I do have days where I feel lifted, more confident, able etc and I have to keep remembering those days and build on them and know/believe I can overcome this and recover from it. I do have a degree of  support around me. That helps.

16 May 2016
 I came a cross a website called Emotional Processing HERE, set up by  the Clinical Research Unit, part of the NHS and Bournemouth University, Dorset.

18 May 2017
Will have to go down GP Practice next week if I don't hear back from the Tavi who i emailed about my referral.

Twitter can be really depressing at times. Various people in pain trying to get help or justice, supporters, all trying to make something happen - to 'kill the beasts', somehow. Thinking that i wish I could help them but I can't do much.  Other people doing really horrible things to others, children, babies, animals. Inflicting pain. The Scream. Think I'm still going backwards and I don't know how to stop it.Twitter makes me laugh as well which is a positive plus who can live without the cute animal pic's/video's cheering them up?

I'm fighting for my life again, fighting against the brutal pain and the feelings of wanting to cut my skin with a blade and see the blood trickle out and the stinging sensation afterwards. Its not about bringing about my death[suicide] but bringing some relief. But I won't ever do it again. I can't do it again. Losing this battle isn't an option for me. I roar.  fcuk you. Spread the word I'm coming out so you better get this party started.

Attract, come closer. Repel, don't look at me. stop looking at me.

The tears. They are mine. This is me. This is what I know.

Its what others know.
Regulate those emotions. Can't have them taking control.

20 May 2017
Received word from the Tavi - referral from GP accepted and waiting time is approx 8-10 weeks for assessment.

lots of tears today.  love from Camden.

22 May 2017
have been thinking about Belief and 'Magic' - wanting to believe in a particular thing or things but not wanting to believe if not obtainable sort of thing, because i don't want to waste my thoughts, energy, feelings for years and years on a dream and die knowing it was just a wasted dream. Faith in something that continuously tests you and is not obtainable.

I want to believe in magic I really do but I fear the disappointment it would bring. Its fear again always getting in the way. I have to let go of a lot of my fears - but they are part of me and its like i don't want to let them go. Its changing them into positives and keeping them changed. Creating illusions from dis-illusions.

26 May 2017
I've not really taken in the Manchester arena bombing that happened on 22 May 2017 resulting in around 22 dead and many injured apparently by a suicide bomber who was a Muslim fanatic. Not sure what to believe anymore when it comes to acts of terrorism and other stuff to do with government and wars so I mainly watch from the sidelines, listen to views from lots of different people and try and keep calm.

I hope the conservatives don't win again when we have the general election on 8 June 2017. I've had enough of them now.

27 May 2017
I realized that my confidence and self esteem had/s taken a bit of a bashing - not that it was that great in some area's to start with but I'm working on it - small steps.

Sunday, 22 January 2017

Camden Council's Housing Department and Anti-Social Behaviour

 I'm giving out about Camden council again, can't help it at times, they in many ways bring it upon themselves I think because of their behaviour in some areas of their 'governance' of things. Why does the LGA keep pushing for more powers to be devolved to local government when they can't manage properly the duties and powers they already have? It doesn't made sense to me. Ego maybe? A personality disorder?

Was having a look at the councils upcoming Housing scrutiny committee agenda (Tuesday 24 Jan 2017) HERE  and the minutes of the last housing scrutiny committee meeting HERE where they go on about how officers deal with reports of anti-social behaviour/reports of noise nuisance and I laughed and I laughed.

Its all rubbish. Officers only follow what they choose to follow in regards to procedures, procedures they invent to suit themselves.They also invent general tenancy conditions that on the face of it give (decent) tenants protections again a whole manner of things but its make believe -  a dishonest con trick - talk about #fakenews.

Some people in Camden council seem to think just because they write down something or say something that its the truth, its how it really is honest guv, but lots of people know and experience what it really is - BS. 

Council members do not have any control over how 'their' officers implement a policy.  Cllrs know this, officers know this and increasingly residents are knowing this.

Unless and until cllrs (our so called democratically elected representatives) kick some officers butts (hard)  and 'encourage' them to do their jobs properly council tenants are going to continue having in some areas third rate services, misery and despair and even bigger piles of BS to have to battle with.  Thats what I think.

If they can get away with doing as little as possible to help out their own tenants (what a land-lord eh?) in distress this suits them fine. They are not our friends, though many a dodgy tenant will cosy on up to them to get a few favours here a few scraps thrown there, they do tenants in general no favours at all. They make things worse in my view. Dodgy tenant reps are also part of the problem.

Cllrs/officers/volunteers scratch backs when need be, cclrs know their place because of this. 

Having such close and conflicted relations between the labour party and the unions who represent 'the workers' in the council doesn't in my view help matters when it comes to good policy implementation.Unions are forceful though when they wanting something for their members. My views.

Tuesday, 27 December 2016

Care Act 2014 and Housing

 When Camden council converted some of their street property houses (back in the late 1970's) into individual flats they made housing conditions in these properties worse than they where before they converted them.

As stated in the House of Lords (now called the Supreme Court) case of 1999: London Borough of Southwark and Another v. Mills and Others Baxter v. Mayor etc of the London Borough of Camden [1999] UKHL 40; [1999] 4 All ER 449; [1999] 3 WLR 939 (21st October, 1999)HERE

 "The conversion had the effect of reducing the sound insulation between the floors of the house." (my emphasis)

 "At that time there was no applicable building regulation requiring sound insulation between dwelling houses. Such requirements were not extended to inner London until 1986"

Since the above judgement in 1999 (16 yrs ago) Camden council hasn't made any provisions to upgrade the properties they rent out that require sounding proofing.  Despite many complaints from tenants renting these properties and effectively stuck in them particularly now that many have be taken off the housing list, can't afford to swap (moving costs) Camden council has ignored and neglected the problems tenants in these conversions face.

Tenants are not informed of the defeat before they move in. But as the law stands landlords don't have to tell tenants about defeats - they are supposed to find out everything about the state of the property before they move in. This to me is not realistic or practical in many cases. In this case the law offers little or no protection to tenants.

In Camden council street properties are spread out across the borough - tenants have no real voice (collective or otherwise) , no power to put pressure on the landlord to remedy the defect.

No campaigns to the council or local MPs to help change the situation, change the law.  Nothing.

As with councils across London who have been over charging (for years) tenants for water  Camden council says they put the money back into housing - really - I say  - nothing I'm aware off spent on sound proofing these properties. Where's the money gone? dodgy tick box tenant groups? housing repairs/regeneration/improvements department - anyone know how much they charge for things?eck I doubt cllrs have a clue - dare I say its not the council  tradition to 'stick ones nose' into such matters.

What about vulnerable tenants?

The Care Act 2014 HERE  is supposed to bring together Health/Wel-being and Housing.

"General responsibilities of local authorities

1Promoting individual well-being

(1)The general duty of a local authority, in exercising a function under this Part in the case of an individual, is to promote that individual's well-being.
(2)Well-being”, in relation to an individual, means that individual's well-being so far as relating to any of the following—

(a)personal dignity (including treatment of the individual with respect);
(b)physical and mental health and emotional well-being;(my emphasis)
(c)protection from abuse and neglect;
(d)control by the individual over day-to-day life (including over care and support, or support, provided to the individual and the way in which it is provided);
(e)participation in work, education, training or recreation;
(f)social and economic well-being;
(g)domestic, family and personal relationships;
(h)suitability of living accommodation;(my emphasis)
(i)the individual's contribution to society.

What has local authority Camden council come up with in regards to suitable housing in relation to mental health and emotional well- being?  

As I write this (2.30am) and despite my radio being on to try and drown out any and all noise intrusion that occurs until tenant above goes to bed, I have to put up with tenant above walking about above my bedroom area in high heel shoes. Deep breaths.

The councils Noise Patrol service stops at 2am but they didn't come out the 2 times I've called them before 2am so whats the point in phoning them. 

Despite being under the care of Camden NHS for a few conditions, I haven't been assessed by Camden council. There  doesn't appear to be any partnership working between the councils housing department and the NHS.  

It may just take some time. Patience, and lots of deep breaths, doubled meds,  and other drug. 

4am now - think tenant above has gone to bed so I will turn off radio. 

The still of the night at 4am is a wonderful 'sound' after noise noise noise.  

And no I don't wear ear-plugs in whats supposed to my home - why the feck should I have to day and night, week in, year out late at night/o'clock  in the morning?

Sunday, 6 November 2016

Noise Nuisance - How wide spread is it?

I know of a camden council tenant in another Camden council street property conversion - same as me stuck in the middle of 3 flats - who transferred to the flat about 4 years ago and has had to put up with horrendous noise nuisance from the flat above.

The rent paying tenant is between 2 leasehold flats, the one above causing the problem. The previous rent paying tenant gave up the flat and it was empty for 5 years - same as mine. Did the council know about the existing problem and didn't tell tenant before tenant moved in? 

The leaseholder moved out and lets the flat out on a short term basis - which is a breach of the leaseholders contract with landlord plus the unlawful sub tenants are a cause of constant nuisance but the council has been really dragging their feet about it.

The tenant has recently been signed off sick by his GP due to the GP's concerns about his heart, and general health, which he has to go for tests. The tenant is generally run down. I understand this.

I despair sometimes at the landlord Camden council.

Saturday, 10 September 2016

Parliament and Tenant Participation in Camden

In relation to another story about Keith Vaz MP (L) HERE  a line says in relation to speaker of the commons John Bercow MP (C) that he  "warned Mr Bridgen not to use Parliamentary privilege to raise the matter in a Commons debate.".(my emphasis)

This rang a bell with me in regards to how the dmc's and casp operate maybe other groups as well.

No raising of issues that are deemed 'personal' at meetings and if they are they pretty much fall on deaf ears. Great problem solvers eh?

As an aside, the story in the local rag HERE from Jan 2016 "'Town Hall in housing fraud probe" got me thinking about a situation that occurred not long before the story was printed where tenant had bloke in who painted flat but which tenant hadn't paid for -  in money - and it hadn't been recorded as works carried out by housing repairs.

It may be totally innocent I really don't know and I ain't accusing anyone of anything illegal just saying what the above linked story brought to mind as things do.

NHS Sustainability and Transformation Plans in Camden

According to the NHS England website HERE, the NHS and local councils have " come together in 44 areas covering all of England to devel...