Camden Housing Repairs Service: in-house

work in progress

Previous relevant blog posts:
Systems thinking in Local Government HERE
Housing Management Performance HERE


London borough of Camden Council 

Housing Scrutiny Committee
Tuesday 30 June 2020 6.30pm  

Agenda item 9. A Proposal for Increased Direct Provision of Repairs Services 

Report of the Cabinet Member for Better Homes 

"In Camden, we believe in the power of public services to improve people’s lives. Camden 2025 sets out a vision for the future of the borough, where everyone contributes to a safe, fair, creative and active community. Delivering this vision through our Camden Plan includes the development of local public services and insourcing work where this represents value for money to the Council and its residents.

Camden 2025 made a commitment to putting our communities and their needs at the heart of everything we do. Council services are critical to achieving this objective and contribute to our shared vision for a fairer, more inclusive borough.

The Council has a large housing stock which has remained in direct Council management throughout. 

The Council brought the repairs service for the Holborn area in-house in April 2019, and the Council launched the new in-house facilities management service in January 2020. Following a successful pilot, works to empty homes are being brought in house with supply chain support from June 2020.

Looking forward, the Council is seeking to deliver all repairs work directly and continue to build on the strengths of its in-house team to provide a comprehensive and high-quality service to its residents and building users.

Since 2013, major repairs have been delivered through an outsourced borough-wide contract and this report proposes that the work is insourced and brought under the control of the repairs team with support as required from a specialist supply chain. Over time the in house team will increase the proportion of work that is directly delivered, taking into account its capacity and other requirements such as leaseholder recharging and obtaining value for money.

This report is coming to Cabinet to agree this approach and support the management and delivery of major repairs by Council staff with supply chain support. This approach provides the Council with the flexibility it needs as it develops its in-house team and the Council will also to seek to procure the supply chain in the local economy where this is possible. 

The proposed approach also allows the Council to flexibly use in-house and contracted resources on other Council properties including schools and corporate buildings. 

The total value of the work over the five-year period is £165.8m, with supply chain contracts over this time being £62.1m, with twelve contracts proposed to be let (moving from a single contract for this work currently). The value of the supply chain contracts is proposed to decrease year-on-year."

Minutes:

Consideration was given to a report of the Cabinet Member for Better Homes, which was introduced by the Director of Property Management. 

Officers and the Cabinet Member then gave the following responses to key questions:-

·         The proposals sought to increase the work provided by the in-house team by approximately £2-3M each year for the next 5 years, eventually giving the in-house team a turnover of £25M per year. The report proposed a staged approach to increasing the capacity of the in-house provision, which could undertake major repairs with support from the supply chain as required. This mixed approach to service provision, would provide the right balance of in-house and external provision going forward.

·         The in-house team were seeking to remove management contractor layer (thus reducing costs), provide tenants with an improved customer experience, improve the co-ordination of repairs works, and create an apprenticeship scheme for people to learn appropriate skills and provide future employees.

·       Officers within the service were focussed on improving overall service performance, and they would provide members with information on the current baseline satisfaction data and performance targets going forward. 

           ACTION BY: Director of Property Management (AH) 

·         

     The proposed in-house service was not seeking to undertake specialist services like asbestos removal or scaffolding, as they had high overheads attached and it would be difficult to achieve an economy of scale.

·         Officers would provide Members with further information regarding the training that would be provided to staff in relation to the way all staff within the service would be engaging with people with disabilities, especially the deaf community. ACTION BY: Director of Property Management (SR) 

RESOLVED –

THAT the report be noted.

_____________________________

Cabinet Meeting 7pm 1 July 2020

Agenda item 12 A Proposal for Increased Direct Provision of Repairs Services

Report of the Cabinet Member for Better Homes

Decision:

RESOLVED –

(i)           THAT the approach to increase our in-house delivery of repairs to Council homes, with the value of in-house work being delivered over the five year period being approximately £100m, be approved;

(ii)          THAT, subject to consultation and engagement as detailed in the report, the flexible and progressive increase of in-house services through supply chain contracts be supported, and the strategy for the procurement of twelve contracts, each for a period of five years (with a break clause after three years), be approved, noting that the combined value of the procurement is £62.1m over the contract period; and

(iii)         THAT authority be delegated to the Executive Director Supporting Communities, in consultation with the Cabinet Member for Better Homes, to, having considered the outcome of consultation and engagement and having considered any equalities implications, award the 12 supply chain contracts.

------------------------

I haven't yet gone through the attached reports yet. I've only read whats written on the Council web-pages re public meetings of the council. I haven't been following what the council have been getting up to, particularly in the area of housing management; tenancy services provision;  council tenant groups etc etc-  via such thing as the minutes etc that are put up on Camden Councils public website homepage HERE

I don't enjoy having to come back to a place I thought I had left behind, a place I didn't like, an environment I thought was bordering on mafia like in how some groups and their people behave.

Its now nearly the end of July 2020, and for over 2 years now I have been trying to manage a not very nice situation I've found myself in, in my home living environment re the property I live in and my Landlord Camden Council. I being a long term secure tenant.

Despite rumours, I have never been evicted by any landlord. This is one  of the lies spread around the tenant participation scene about me, theres been others lies I know of and probably some I don't know off. Its a cesspit in my view and it wasn't for me, I found it harmful, toxic but for some people the seem to thrive in it, aspire to be somebody within it - of influence, authority, etc etc.

Lambeth Council IICSA

The Independent Inquiry Child Sexual Abuse (IICSA) has started up again with a continuation of the London Borough of Lambeth strand of the investigation.

You can follow Twitter updates at InquiryCSA @InquiryCSA or read transcripts of hearings, documents etc on the website HERE   #LambethCouncil #InquiryCSA

Its not easy reading (can be very upsetting at times) so caution is advised.

As well as the sexual abuse Inquiry part, Lambeth Council was also known for the Housing Fraud and Corruption problem it had - HERE

2 July 2020: Masked, Muddled Mauraders

During the Covid 19 lock down the tenant below me had been living somewhere else and only come back to pick up post, mow the lawn that sort of thing. I had hoped that she had stopped with the false reporting of a leak [from my bathroom] going into her kitchen to the landlord Camden councils housing repairs department - and people in housing repairs and the housing estate office, going along with the scam.

As mentioned in other posts I had a heart attack on Monday 16  March 2020 - the week before the lock-down - i was in hospital for 5 days [16-21 march 2020]. When I came back I let the 2 tenants here know where I had been. I let the housing office know via email what had happened. No reply from any of them.

3 weeks ago the tenant below and the housing repairs team started again with the trying to get into my flat about a leak - a note was left downstairs in communal hallway for me. I ignored it.

3 weeks go by and on Tuesday gone [30 June 2020] a note with the name Jim Williams is left outside my flat door - urgent it says blah blah blah - again its about the fake leak. I ignored it.

Thursday 2 July 2020 around 9.15am or so - someone knocks on my flat door - long story short its 6 blokes from Camden Councils housing department - repairs and estate officer and they are wanting to get into my flat - let me see the leak then and I will let a plumber in to fix the problem, sort of thing.

Tenant in flat below is in but she won't let me in - to see this leak and the council people are giving me a load of bs about the water gushing down and all the bs i've heard before. I wouldn't let them in but went out to them and I told them a few things - if they want access they can break the door down or send me a court summons.

It just so happens to be rubbish collection day as you can see from the photo below of the 6 strong mob from the councils housing department.

They didn't know what to do - so they, or the housing officer phoned 999 - the emergency services - fire and the police. More photo's to follow.

First a fire engine turns up and a few firemen come over and I set them straight on a few things and they go off and hang about outside.

As this didn't work in getting me or the firemen to get them into my flat, the police where phoned - they turned up and I let them know a few things and whats really been going on and how I believe the people in the council and the tenant are lying and its some sort of scam/fraud and harassment of me, sort of thing - that there isnt a leak and it certainly isn't an emergency.

Low and behold, a copper tells me , after checking the tenants flat, that he believes me - blimey I was expecting the worse I really was - to be arrested at least, but to be believed I was relived and over whelmed. The police left and the only people left lurking about outside where the 6 strong mob from the housing department.

Did they say sorry to me, did anyone say sorry to me - no of course not.

Have they been arrested, has anyone involved in it been arrested, of course that would be too much for the police to do. I guess for now I have to make do with the copper believing me and not jumping to the tune of the 'crooks' in Camden Council. I have it on video of the copper saying he believed me and other stuff.

I am thankful to these Camden based Met coppers for being fair and reasonable.

People from Camden Council housing department wasted the time of our emergency services by phoning them up and misleading them - all to try and get into my flat over a fake leak the tenant in the flat below me keeps reporting.

Tenant didn't look very happy when she was called back to the flat a few times. I guess the scam wasn't going to plan and maybe she thought she would get into big trouble - but of course she didn't and probably won't get into any trouble not with people in the council going along with her/it.

I was very distressed and upset by what happened and I had to try my hardest to keep calm, not freak out or anything - i held my own I think, rather better than they maybe though I would be able to.  They couldn't in my view care less if I had another heart attack and died - brought on by their behaviour towards me.


Monday 6 July 2020
I've  not long finished filling it and submitted a report to the Met Police via their website. I was surprised to quickly receive a phone call arranging a time later on for police to come see me. Part of the complaint is about Camden Council.


Tuesday 7 July 2020
Police woman phoned me instead. I informed her about some of what has been going on.

She/they won't be doing anything other than me having been sent a CAD  number and I was informed that  every time something happens I have to keep reporting it to them.

I would have to report it around 10 tens before they did anything,  they don't even issue harassment warnings anymore apparently. I guess they won't be being 'dealt with by the courts' like I was a number of years ago for a lot less [imo] - well not via the police anyway.

But that being said I am thankful for the fair Copper for saying he believed me re there not being a leak - I recorded it so hopefully it will be of help to me.

Sat 11 July 2020
Transcript of some of what police officer said to me HERE

Wed 15 July 2020
Camden Council  Anti Fraud and Corruption Strategy HERE
last updated Aug 2019

Sun 19 July 2020
The first part of video recording of Thursday 2 July 2020 when 6 men from Camden councils housing department tried to get into my flat - illegally in my view.

I went out of my flat, locked my door and went downstairs to the communal hallway and was having a chat them them. I admit I got a bit annoyed at first as I was so fed up with their  and the  tenants behaviour and no one taking any notice of what I was saying.
https://youtu.be/noU9ANr1aVE


Wed 22 July 2020

This is when the police where leaving the property [2 July 2020] after we had a chat and it was established that there was no leak and for some reason the tenant below left the property when the police left. The 6 council blokes hung around outside for a bit after the fire and police people had gone.

Not so much as a sorry to me from any of them for having been caught out in a 'mis-understanding' by the police, after causing me repeated distress, upset, etc etc even when I had a heart attack.




Monday 27 July 2020
On Camden Councils website HERE, 'Complaints - How do  I report a fraud?'
There are 2 documents:
. Anti-Fraud and Corruption Strategy July 2020  HERE
  .  Anti-Bribery Policy July 2020   HERE

Thursday 17 Sept 2020

https://www.camden.gov.uk/documents/20142/2782436/Your+tenancy+conditions.pdf/e3d8454f-46ed-8412-d2d1-e004854a5178

Wednes 22 Sept 2021

Looking through the councils website to do with another matter I came across a report HERE  given to the councils Housing Scrutiny Committee of Thursday 7 Nov 2019, agenda item 10 The New Landlord Service . Apparently they piloted the service in Kentish Town earlier in the year. 

" Mary McGowan, Director of Housing Management, took the meeting through the report highlighting that the paper provided an update to the implementation of the new Landlord Service." 

As usual there is already lots of praise for how well they claim the new service is doing across the borough. "The new Landlord Service was now in place boroughwide, and already the way the new service was operating had been positively received. The service was seeking to continuously improve and share knowledge amongst the team, as well as assessing the way it was performing." 

2.9 Key principles that underline the new landlord service include:

 One single trusted point of contact for residents 

 Reduced “hand offs”. Staff pull in support rather than referring on. 

 An understanding of the wider context of people’s lives as well as the immediate issue that the resident presents with 

 An approach that tackles root causes as well as surface issues to help prevent further issues developing and to help residents to grow in resilience 

 A service that’s tailored around a resident’s individual needs 

 Responding early with an emphasis on prevention 

 A shift away from an enforcement-based service towards a more restorative approach whilst responding quickly when this is necessary to prevent harm or nuisance 

 The rights skills, knowledge and experience in teams to meet residents needs 

 A focus on the value work; which is work that helps us achieve our purpose 

 Staff are encouraged to question the way we do things and suggest alternatives to better meet resident’s needs. Reflective practice is encouraged and supported. 

 All staff have a role in identifying and flagging up the things that stop them providing a good service and in contributing to addressing these.

Need I read on for anymore 'fiction' writing. None of the above point seemed to have applied when it came to me in regards to how I have been treated by people in housing repairs and the housing estate office. 

No consideration towards me who they knew has a long term mental health condition as well as long term and additional physical conditions. They weren't interested in my wel-being, in what I had to say

, in how their and the 2 tenants behaviour was impacting on me. 

They may well think that my case is a one-off, but i reckon it isn't and even if it was, why was I treated me like I had no value at all - thats how it felt and if it wasn't for the decent copper helping me out so to speak, the best he could given who he was dealing with [camden council] I don't know what would have happened. I don't know how I would have gone on. 

It still upsets me at times, like now writing more stuff about it. Just because they say something is so, or something is this that and other doesn't make it so. 

Local Authority Procurement Fraud and Corruption Risk Review

The below has been taken/copied from : https://www.parliament.uk/business/publications/written-questions-answers-statements/written-statement/Commons/2020-06-08/HCWS275/

Monday 8 June 2020
Local Authority Procurement Fraud and  Corruption Risk Review: Written Statement made by Mr Simon Clarke [Minister of State for Regional Growth and Local Government] [Ministry of Housing, Communities and Local Government

Today I have published a review into the risks of fraud and corruption in local government procurement in England, in collaboration with the Government’s Anti-Corruption Champion, the Hon. Member for Weston-super-Mare (John Penrose). This report delivers on a commitment by the Ministry of Housing, Communities & Local Government (MHCLG) in the UK Anti-Corruption Strategy 2017-2022 and is an important part of the wider agenda to strengthen the UK’s response to the risks posed by corruption. The findings highlight the importance of continued vigilance across the whole procurement lifecycle and is particularly relevant at this time of heightened activity by councils, as they are working hard to respond to the challenges posed by Covid-19.

Acknowledging and mitigating the risk of fraud and corruption is critical to sound financial management and ensuring that every pound spent by local councils supports the communities they serve. Activities to reduce vulnerability to the risks of fraud and corruption will also have the potential to improve efficiency and identify losses resulting from error, by highlighting weaker areas within systems and processes.

The potential benefits to both councils and the local taxpayer are significant. Under ‘business as usual’ circumstances councils in England spend around £55 billion a year on goods, works and services[1]. Estimates[2] of the losses to government expenditure caused by fraud and error range between 0.5% and 5%[3] (equating to between £275 million and £2.75 billion per year for local government procurement spend).

It is also important to emphasise that fraud and corruption are by their nature hidden, and a low level of reported cases does not necessarily indicate a lack of fraudulent or corrupt activity. Recent cross government reports demonstrate that detected fraud and corruption is only a proportion of the true scale of the problem[4]. Furthermore, of the 86 councils responding to the survey as part of this review, 23% reported having experienced cases of fraud and corruption within procurement in the 2017-2018 financial year.

Although there is no silver bullet for tackling the issue of fraud and corruption within procurement, this review draws together a range of activities which collectively help identify and mitigate the risks faced by local councils. The report details anonymised examples of good practice already in place across England, providing excellent evidence of local authorities’ innovation, commitment and collaborative approach.

The case studies of incidents of fraud and corruption and examples of best practice in prevention, illustrate how risks can materialise and what can be done to mitigate them. In addition, the report includes a risk matrix, which highlights possible measures that councils can use to strengthen their resilience to the risks of fraud and corruption. I hope the report will serve as a valuable resource for councils across the country to learn from. In additional to this report, I would also encourage councils to make best use of the National Fraud Initiative[5], CIPFA Counter Fraud resources[6] and the case studies from the Counter Fraud Fund pilots MHCLG funded in 2014[7], as well as the latest Fighting Fraud and Corruption Locally Strategy[8].

Taking forward the findings of the Review

This report sets out suggested next steps for the public sector as a whole, for local councils and for MHCLG. Those for the public sector focus on putting in place standard definitions and measurement methodologies, ensuring there is a central place to record reports of fraud and corruption and strengthening whistleblowing arrangements.

MHCLG has a key role in supporting a culture of strong governance and robust accountability within the local government sector, and the Counter Fraud and Anti-Corruption agenda are important strands within this work.

At the level of individual councils, appropriate capacity is needed to prevent, detect and respond to incidents of fraud and corruption within the procurement lifecycle. This means having in place effective fraud and corruption risk management structures and risk assessments, effective due diligence and management of gifts and hospitality and conflicts of interest.

Capacity and capability within local authority contract management and commercial activities have been identified as areas for improvement and all those involved in procurement must understand their roles and responsibilities, whenever commissioning, procuring or purchasing on behalf of their council. Councils should consider how the risks of fraud and corruption are managed in their wider networks, including local authority companies, Arms-Length Management Organisations (ALMOS) and other special purpose vehicles.

Procurement is only one area where fraud and corruption risks are present for councils, and similar risks are present in other areas of council operations. Many of the recommendations in this report should support efforts by councils to prevent and detect fraud and corruption, and to hold perpetrators successfully to account.

[1]. National Procurement Strategy for Local Government in England 2018, LGA, page 5 https://www.local.gov.uk/sites/default/files/documents/11.122%20-%20National%20Procurement%20Strategy%202018_main%20report_V7.pdf

[2] See page 16, https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/764832/Cross-GovernmentFraudLandscapeAnnualReport2018.pdf.

[3] The Fraud Measurement and Assurance Oversight Board concluded that there is an upper and lower range of likely losses: 0.5% to 5%. See page 31, https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/764832/Cross-GovernmentFraudLandscapeAnnualReport2018.pdf.

[4] Page 15, Cross-Government Fraud Landscape Annual Report 2018, https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/764832/Cross-GovernmentFraudLandscapeAnnualReport2018.pdf

[5] https://www.gov.uk/government/collections/national-fraud-initiative

[6] https://www.cipfa.org/services/counter-fraud-centre

[7] https://www.local.gov.uk/our-support/efficiency-and-income-generation/counter-fraud-hub-outcomes-counter-fraud-fund-0

[8] https://www.cifas.org.uk/insight/public-affairs-policy/fighting-fraud-corruption-local-authorities

This statement has also been made in the House of Lords: HLWS271

Update 16 June 2020
Well, Camden council can't even detect a  significant [imo] fraud when its staring them in the face and has been for a number of years, yet I quite easily detected it and reported it yet it has carried on to this day - the tenant involved is being protected in my view and the housing officers and repairs team also. 

Its a scandal, yet because its me whose doing the exposing its 'oh quick everybody look the other way' and no one of any significance or importance will mention it. Oh look its that horrible evil harasser of upstanding council people who was 'dealt with' by the courts some years back - a nutter as well, Don't even look at her, it will encourage her - she dribbles as well. 

COVID -19 Message from housing team

I received the below message via email from Camden Council on Thursday 19 March 2020. At the time I was in the Royal Free Hospital, Hampstead, NW3, after having a HA 3 days before on 16 March 2020.

COVID-19 – a message from Camden Council’s housing team

Dear resident As the COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic develops, I’m writing to let you know that your safety and wellbeing is always the council’s first priority. National guidance has been issued this week and I know that residents are very worried, but I reassure you that we are well prepared and have plans in place to support you and keep your housing services running. We have strong communities and tenant leaders, and we will work alongside you to get through this difficult time. We know we will have to move our teams around as our staff are forced to self-isolate, but we are ready to work differently to support everyone who lives in our council homes as much as we can. You will see some changes to your services but please bear with us as we work hard to make sure that all essential work continues, and that the most vulnerable people in our communities get the help they need. Your housing teams Your neighbourhood housing teams will continue to work, but to protect residents and staff, the team will only be carrying out essential visits. They will be prioritising supporting vulnerable residents and people living alone with other support needs. Please look out for your neighbours, particularly if they are older, and if you are worried about them please call us on 020 7974 4444 (option 9). If you live alone and need help to go shopping and can’t ask family, friends or neighbours for help, contact us on the same number. If you are worried about paying your rent we can help We know that many of our residents who are working will be very worried about the impact of the situation on their income. If your financial situation has changed and you are concerned about how you will pay your rent or council tax, we are here to help. No tenant will be evicted from our council homes if there is clear evidence that they have been unable to pay rent as a direct result of COVID-19. Please get in touch with your neighbourhood housing officer as soon as possible so we can offer you support and advice. The council is committed to supporting tenants through this very difficult time. If you’re concerned about not being able to pay your rent because you pay in cash or use an Allpay card, speak to your neighbourhood housing officer. You can also pay for your rent online at camden.gov.uk/your-council-rent or over the phone on 020 7974 4444. Temporary changes to the repairs service We will continue to carry out all communal and external works to your homes as normal, but for the time being we will only carry out priority repairs inside tenants' homes. This is to keep you and our staff safe, and to avoid the spread of COVID-19. If a council officer or contractor needs to access your home, it will only be if it's really necessary for you and the other people in your building, so please let them in. Essential repairs include: heating and hot water, lifts, leaks, windows and door issues including locks and essential carpentry, sanitary plumbing, electrical work, health and safety works and fire safety works. Non-urgent repairs like decorating, plastering, or non-emergency surveys will be temporarily put on hold. Our normal service will start again once the risk from coronavirus has reduced and we will keep you updated of any developments. Our repairs call centre staff will ask everyone requesting a repair if anyone in their household is self-isolating. Repairs staff or our contractors will only attend a home where a tenant is self-isolating in an emergency, on a case by case basis, following advice from our public health team. If staff or contractors need to carry out an emergency repair in your home and someone is self-isolating or has COVID-19, they will wear full protective clothing – this is to keep everyone safe. If you have any queries about repairs please call Contact Camden on 020 7974 4444. Your caretaking service As planned, we will be taking over the external cleaning of estates from 6 April, and you will see your caretakers in their new blue uniforms. Having said that, the most important thing for us is to keep you safe and well, so we may need to use the service in a different way and move caretakers to where they are needed most. Although you might not see your usual caretaker on your estate as we move staff around to cover as necessary, we reassure you that essential services – cleaning, health and safety, reporting emergency repairs in communal areas and supporting our most vulnerable residents – will continue to be our priority across the borough. We need to be realistic about the caretaking resources we have as we need to maintain essential services, but we do expect our staff to need to self-isolate. Our focus will be on protecting our most vulnerable residents, and we will be providing extra cleaning in our sheltered schemes where people need it most. Your caretakers will keep estates safe and clean, but we are asking every resident and visitor to follow the Public Health England advice that everyone should wash their hands thoroughly when they get home to protect themselves and their families. Public Health England advise that you: wash your hands more often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds or use a hand sanitiser when you get home, when you blow your nose, sneeze or cough, eat or handle food avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth with unwashed hands avoid close contact with people who have symptoms cover your cough or sneeze with a tissue, then throw the tissue in a bin and wash your hands clean and disinfect frequently touched objects and surfaces in your home. Please help your caretakers to keep everyone safe and well by disposing of your rubbish properly, in tied up bags and in the right place. Helping your community In the coming months we will need to work together and help each other out. If you are healthy and are not showing symptoms, please think about your neighbours and other people who may need help. If someone needs help with shopping or is likely to be feeling lonely, please look out for them in a safe way. We are creating a register of volunteers to help local people with anything from delivering food to making phone calls to cheering up people in isolation. To sign up as a volunteer visit help.timetospare.com/camden Maintaining your mental health There are a range of simple things you can do to help keep mentally healthy and physically active when you can’t get out and about as normal at oneyoucamden.org Camden Age UK have also set up a number of activities and services for people aged over 55 who are unwell, self-isolating or struggling to get out that you can take part in from home. They are offering an assisted online shopping service, livestreaming music recitals every day, an online book club and a telephone befriending service. Visit ageukcamden.org.uk or call 020 7239 0400 to find out more about what they have on offer for Camden residents. For more information We will continue to update our webpage at camden.gov.uk/coronavirus including information from Public Health England. We would like to keep you updated as everything is changing very quickly, so to sign up for email updates register at camden.gov.uk/coronavirus-updates  We really appreciate that this is a difficult time for everyone but your housing staff are here to support you, your family and your community in every way we can. Yours faithfully Cllr Meric Apak, Cabinet Member for Better Homes

Other news to do with Camden/Council is that the Labour MP for Holborn and St Pancras Keir Starmer, has recently been elected as the new leader of the Labour Party. 

I don't have much to say on this at the moment other than Camden council/labour party association aren't so great in my experience, with providing some tenants, including more vunerable and in need of support ones, with any degree of compassion and understanding of medical conditions and how bad housing impacts badly on the health and wel-being of some tenants - namely in this case, me, but I'm sure there will be plenty more tenants who have been treated like dirt by this Councils housing team.

So do excuse me Cllr  Apak and no offence intended, whilst I 'vomit into a sickbag' knowing that just because a council person says something doesn't make it real/true or the way things really are for some/many tenants of Camden Council. Good day sir. 

16 March 2020: Heart Attack

Additional page - the Human Heart HERE                             

added 11/9/2022 Heart and Kidney connection   HERE

My experience of having a Heart Attack   

I had a Heart Attack [HA] a week ago today [Mon 16 March 2020].
It could have been a lot worse- the attack was mild compared to some HA's.

My heart is damaged physically now [i guess to match the emotional damage] and I have to take it easy for a while, not get upset etc but I am finding that hard.

I am very upset about the HA, about those who I believe [and with good cause] who are part responsible for me having a HA.

I wasn't in hospital for longer than necessary, and that's only because I was determined to get out for reasons: A] being there in the first place [how did things get like this for me I at times wondered] and B] about having had to basically leave my cat on his own, and him possibly thinking I had abandoned him - this may sound silly but that was my only real concern.

By being in the H I was forced to stop smoking tobacco, so for a week now I have officially been a non-smoker and I want to keep it that way, but as I expected since leaving the H its hard despite the patches, but I can't go back to smoking tobacco. I have to do this. Plus other changes.

Reaching for another fag/smoke when stressed, eating a whole packet of biscuits etc - for comfort, the sugar rush, I think many people know the story.

Though it did cross my mind that I might die, I wasn't frightened by what was happening - more distressed and in physical pain than anything.

Though I was/am so very much thankful for the help/care I received from various people across the board of our glorious NHS, the Hospital felt like a prison to me, somewhere I had been held against my will. I was very distressed and upset, up and down, through out my stay.

I didn't really want to come back to this house conversion I live in, not with the 2 other tenants living there, me having to hear them, see them even. I didn't want to have come back to being a tenant of Camden Council[CC] but I have no where else to go so for now I have to somehow not get upset when I hear the 2 other tenants and about Camden councils housing department [specifically the housing repairs team for my area/ward as well as  the housing officer for my ward/area}

 But I know its not only them: but the culture that still prevails within Camden Councils Housing Department regardless of any ' reassurances' [we have learned..., blah blah, you get the drift?]


I'm off to have a lay down now, maybe add more to this later on.

Tues 24 March 2020
Someone from CC phoned me at 1pm today to say 'the job has been cancelled due to the corona virus' then the phone went dead.

I wondered 'what job' she on about and then I thought  'do I give a 4X' to which the answer is 'no I don't'. She sounded quite nice though.

Wed 25 Mar 2020
The below is part of the discharge papers I was given by the Royal Free Hospital [RFH]

Thurs 26 Mar 2020
I'm finding it hard to stay calm at present - as tenant below is in the back garden and I can see and hear her at times. As well as part blaming CC for what happened I also part-blame the 2 other tenants who I share the property with.


Fri 27 Mar 2020
The tenant in flat above me came out of her flat earlier on - on the phone with speaker on and stood there for a while outside my door so - I could hear her and the person she was speaking to. This has happened a few times before and I think its rude/bad manners. When tenant had finished on the phone tenant went downstairs and while in the d/s communal hallway she started shouting and swearing.

I strongly suspect she was referring to and directing her verbal abuse at me [though she didn't say a name] but I took it  that it was me.

Some of the stuff she shouted up at me:
 'I'm gonna get you thrown out of here'
'You're pathetic'
'a lowlife,
'hurry up and die'
'you're a c*nt'.

update
and btw I did record it, like I recorded the tenant below me when I knocked on her door early Feb 2020 after someone from CC had again phoned me up and left a message saying tenant had reported a leak [again] and that they wanted to get in my flat. I knocked on tenants door, asked if I could come in and she said yes - no sign of a water leak, 'did you not take a photo' I asked - 'no i'll wait till next time'  she replied.

Sat 28 Mar 2020
The lights in the communal area of the property aren't working.

I don't have much energy [excuse the pun] today and at times the urge to roll a fag/joint is strong but I've resisted so far - hopefully I can keep it up. I don't think its sank it yet that I had a HA. I had 2 procedures done on my heart and was quite overwhelmed by them and had a cry, which I was okay with.

Sun 29 Mar 2020
I find myself feeling quite upset tonight - the depression - about a few personal things. Thinking about what the neighbour said about 'hurry up and die' and feeling that I might as well considering. I hate my life existence I hate myself [generally] and I hate other people [generally] and only wanted to get back here for my cat, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered - i should have died, that what I feel like now.

Tues 31 Mar 2020
I'm not feeling too bad today - the emotions are like a roller coaster at times, which I guess is to be expected considering. I found it a traumatic experience in ways [regardless of how chirpy folk in you-tube video's may look and sound] its a major thing to happen plus the procedures are very intrusive and at one point I could feel my heart being prodded or whatever was going on, it was strange. Plus I came out in a rash/had an allergic reaction to one of the medications I was given and that resulted in me being turned up side down in the hospital bed and another procedure done on my heart.

Since being out of the H, I was expecting a  letter for an appointment at the RFH for another blood test, but not received anything to do with that but have received a letter for an over the phone psychology appointment -  attached to the Cardiology Department. My weekly talking group therapy at another H has been cancelled due to the COVID-19  virus, whether it will start up again I don't know. I hope all my fellow 'groupies' are/will be ok.

Sun 4 April 2020
Tenant below is about today in back garden. I can hear and see tenant from my kitchen and sometimes elsewhere in my flat. I noticed tenant hasn't been living in flat for over a week, since before tenant did the back lawn last Sunday.

update
as well as stopping smoking, which I'm still managing to do, I have to improve my diet, which though it wasn't the worst of diets I did have a problem with 'comfort' snacking and getting enough physical exercise which seem to be harder for me to do than it has been to stop [and continue to keep with it] smoking. My energy level before the HA wasn't so great and its still not so great.  I've been trying with the diet thing to cut out or cut down on the 'comfort' foods but i'm not doing so well these last few days as I've felt stressed out by the housing situation. I really do hope I don't start smoking again, i'm really trying not to but its difficult. The tenant upstairs has been noisy the last few days and its stressing me out. The tenant can be reasonably quiet at times but this doesn't last.

If I can get to see or have a chat with my GP soon I will have to tell them about the housing situation, not that I'm expecting it to make a difference because nothing I say to whoever, seems to make a [good] difference] - that's how things feel anyway. Sorry to seem on a downer of late but i'm not ready to die yet and especially not because of a bunch of 'A holes' connected Camden Council.

Tues 7 April 2020
As well as having to come to terms with having had a heart attack, etc I also have to come to terms with the fact that someone I love and care for very much doesn't feel the same towards me, not even to ask how i am after having had a HA.

I've tried not to let it but it hurts me a lot - like my heart has been damaged again, and i have to get over it and a few other things, to mend, to move on in any significant way but I don't know if I can.

I'll be ok, I get over tired and over emotional, and its like it really is the end of the world. I have to write it down, let it out, - the tears they are cleansing aren't they? the pain, is it in vain? - oh that rhymed: was it all in vain - the pain, - the blocked veins, to my heart?

Sun 12 April 2020
Earlier, tenant above was hanging about in the communal stairs area doing something, and having a chat with someone on her phone who was on speakerphone - i could hear both quite clearly from my main living areas. As I find it annoying and intrusive I put my little radio on at my flat door to drown the noisy intrusion  out.

Thursday 30 April 2020
Since the HA when ever i get pains inside - around the area where my heart is - i start thinking 'oh no, is it something to worry about' sort of thing. It could be my stomach I don't know. Will have to wait and speak with Dr at RFH when I have my first follow up appointment, sometime within the next few weeks, as far as I am aware.

Sun 3 May 2020
In regards to me giving up smoking tobacco: the hospital started me on the patches [i agreed to] and I had some when I came out of hospital [1 month supply in total.]

I didn't notice anything different inside of me about what the patches where supposed to be doing, so I stopped taking them after about a week when the patches no longer sucked up the toxic chemicals from the fag smoking, so in all I think I took them for 2 weeks.

At first though, in the hospital I did notice the patches having seemly drained out the nicotine etc as I noticed stains on the patches when I changed them every day and I asked a nurse what they where and who told me then stain is nicotine.

I chose to live, why I did so I really don't know, but I do know [I keep forgetting] - half the time I don't want to be here, be alive, well not in this existance anymore I don't. Some people are badly affected by other peoples behaviour and are if I'm correct, saying they don't want it anymore, it must stop sort of thing. Under-stand.

Thurs 7 May 2020
These last 2 night i've been experiencing electrical shock sensations in the lower back area of my head. Tonights not so bad but the night before they felt quite strong - it even felt like the electrical currant had travelled down to my heart.

Its 12. 15am and the tenant above who has been reasonably quiet all night, has started stomping about above me. This sort of thing is common and adds to the anxiety and anticipation I feel every night. She has stopped now. See how it works?

Sat 9 May 2020
Tenant A hasn't been living at flat but comes up to pick up post etc. The 2 empty pots in garden moved again.

Quiet so far from upstairs since I woke up. Tenant C did the thing again last night where C comes out of flat on the phone and I can hear C and person on speakerphone. This was around nearly 11pm. and comes back after 11pm still on the phone.

update
When I came back in from getting some supplies nearby, the tenant above had started making the noise again. Its like somehow the tenant knows where I am in my flat and follows me about and makes noise. Most noise today was coming from patio above me when I was in my kitchen doing stuff, then when I went back into living room, I could hear noise above me.

Friday 15 May 2020
I have to go with this to try and work through it:
I've been thinking that I should have died when I had the heart attack, that I was supposed to die but I didn't.

2 months on [early days still I guess] and I think 'it was my time to leave this existence, this body and go [where?] but it didn't happen'. I'm torn between wanting to have gone but choosing to stay. and now ive stayed its like why did I bother'.

I came back for my cat - that's the only reason I had in my head when in the hospital, I had no other reason that came to mind.

Medication that I'm taking:
Atorvastinstatin 80mg 1 a day - used to lower bad [LDL or Non -HDL] cholesterol 

Bisoprolol 2.5mg 1 a day - slows heart rate to make it easier for heart to pump blood around body
Candesartan 4mg 1 a day - lowers blood pressure to make it easier for heart to pump blood around body

Asprin 75mg 1 a day - anti-platelet therapy - thins blood
                    Lansoprazole 30mg 1 a day  [Proton Pump Inhibitor PPI] to prevent                                                                    gastro bleeds - asprin


Clopidogrel 75mg 1 a day   - until 16-3-2021 - another blood thinner 



I was also taking-
Nicotin Patches 21mg  - stopped 2 weeks after discharge.
Chlorphenamine 4mg OD - for 2 wks after discharge because of rash/allergy to one of the drugs I was first given.

Lastly I have a stent in my heart, which I don't like and will be asking when/if it can be removed.

Sunday 17 May 2020
Will need to go to the Heath Centre tomorrow as wasn't called on Friday as said via the online report I submitted. Still not received the results of the blood test and appointment for follow up at the RFH. Plus chemists assistant may be a problem.

Tuesday 19 May 2020
neighbour unusually quiet yesterday but today early pm I can hear her in her living room - think she has window open - i have my window open as well, doing some sort of exercise class ie can her her instructing and at time stomping on floor.

Sat 23 May 2020
I went to the A&E last night about the pains in my heart - I had been getting them on and off, since I came out of hospital following the HA. They where significantly worse yesterday as I looked it up on line and thought maybe I had Pericarditis HERE as I had some, though not all of the signs.

I didn't have to wait long to to see at the hospital, first by a couple of nurses then later on a Dr and nurses and the service and people were great. They did 2 ECG,s an X-Ray and 2 blood tests - Dr had a look and check of me and they couldn't as far as I am aware find anything serious and  I didn't need any further treatment. I was there in all about 4 hrs I think.

The Dr read my notes etc, said the Cardiology department at the hospital had been given a nudge about making an appointment for me to see someone - following my heart attack 2 months earlier.

Apparently they don't send you out a letter letting you know when the appointment is, sort of thing - they phone you up out of the blue and if you miss the call you have to get back to them.

Sunday 24 May 2020
I still don't know what the pains are - the Dr mentioned spicy foods and fizzy drinks which I said I didnt eat/drink then later on I remembered I had put some mild spices in a meal I had made. Think ill have to cut out the spices, and just have the herbs as flavouring.

29 May 2020
I was feeling a bit better today after yesterday but found myself getting upset again by neighbour upstairs - i have to keep hearing her if not seeing her and I think she may think im not serious about taking her to court as ive not received any word from her about the Letter before court action I sent her and which the time is up - replaying the recordings of her and the venom directed at me still upsets me and having to live so closely to her still upsets me at times.

27 March 2020 - Hurry up and die HERE 
29 April 2020 - i'm a loony, pyscho etc etc HERE

I'm really taken back by the sheer hatred and venom from her towards me.

Some people may think im a snowflake ie someone that gets upset and outraged by the smallest things, is upset by everything. I'm not really im not its just somethings [understandly I think] do upset me and I do try to not be but i find it difficult at times.

31 May 2020
Woke up this morning to banging about above me which continued intermittantly - couldn't get back to sleep so got up came in living room - turned mini music/radio system on to drown out the noise - the noise follows me from room to room which is annoying. I can't escape it unless i go out and I can't go out unless I need to.  Its either tenant banging about or loud voice on the phone. A bit of a restbite last night as tenant went out for a few hours.
bad start to my waking day and its only now 12 noon. I could scream - deep breaths.

I need to get some sort of recording device that will pick up the noise from above [and the pipes] and give decibel readings.

Will go to PO in the week and get the  [20 odd pages of ]the Legal Aid financial assistance form sent off. I think if i get it I will be sent a certificate or something to show my entitlement and I can then put application into HMCS.

I have to force myself to do things at times - to keep fighting against the urge to go back to bed, pull the duvet up and over me, the room in darkness and try go to sleep  or at least gather my thoughts - i have to deal with things that come up even if its slowly at times and takes such considerable effort. I may have a few short lie downs though.

4 June 2020
I've not been feeling very well physically these last few days - tues eve was quite bad after id eaten and I felt pains and uncomfortable around stomach, heart area. Wed wasnt so bad but today has been awful - everything I eat has a bad affect on me physically ie sweating, pains in/around heart, lungs, back area, i don't know whats going on and hoping it will ease tomorrow and today is the worst of it. Maybe i caught something when I was out on Monday 1 June 2020. Ive been trying to eat more healthly but even having mainly veg earlier brought on me feeling ill, maybe i need to have really small portions at a time.

I don't know if its the meds i'm on, or what and going to the A&E didnt help establish what the problem was even though I had tests done.

I was sent a letter last week for an appoint at the RFH next week to see a Cardiology Dr, so I hope I can get a clear picture as to what the state of my heart is and other things like the pains and discomfort ive been feeling after eating. I'm trying not to unduly worry but sometimes I think maybe i have another blockage somewhere and ..... anyway I'm still alive for now, for how much longer i don't know.

Tuesday 9 June 2020
The tenant below me and the landlords housing repairs team have started again.

The tenant hasn't been living in the flat since the virus lock-down started but comes up and collects her post, mows the garden lawn sort of thing but lives somewhere else and all of a sudden its the reporting of alleged leaks, causing damage and another council plumber is backing up the tenant.

I can't wait to see the evidence.

I could get upset but i'm not going to anymore, rather i'm going to laugh out loud at them and if i see any of them i'll just point at them and laugh and laugh. I think this approach is better for my wel-being since my heart attack in March 2020. 

you see the below photo - is from the very first time around Oct 2017 I think [yes its been going on since then - on and off] the tenant reported a leak that was supposed to be coming from my bathroom - the leak was supposed to be coming down the wall, down the tiles and onto the towel - there was no leak, no water on tiles, no water on the wall or ceiling from where the leak was supposed to be coming from. Yet people in the council went along with this and they continue to do so over 2 years later.

Tuesday 23 June 2020
Its a funny thing is coincidences - 2 weeks ago as I'm going out to go to the hospital for an appointment - that didn't exist, there just so happens to be a card/notice on the communal bookcase from the landlords in-house plumber [un-named] indicating that the #leakgate saga has started up again, after a 3 month break.

Today I notice that tenant below has moved back into the flat and I just so happen to receive a letter from the hospital - back dated, covering their 'ar*es' so to speak, which I sort of understand but as a former in-patient and now, well at some point maybe this year, I hope to be an actual out-patient, its annoying, upsetting etc etc - hello I had an actual heart attack, I nearly died, for real.

Excuse me if I get a bit upset every now and again at any shenanigans that may be going on with health care professionals. I have experienced shenanigans before, which is a shame really and though I am thankful/greatful etc for the help I have been given so far, I can't pretend im thankful/greatful for everything ive experienced.

Monday 13 July 2020
Diane Douglin - Case Management Officer. DD was supposed to be a Mediator from the Housing Repairs department, she turned out not to be a Mediator, as in Neutral and on 11 March 2020 sent me an email where she openly took sides and said "We are also concerned for the welbeing of your neighbour, who understandably is quite distressed about the recurring leaks and damage to her home and contents" 

I never got to find out who the "We" was/is, but I guessed the tenant was hoping for compensation for the 'distress and damage' allegedly caused to her home and contents' and she had the 'royal We' on her side, despite there not being leaks and no damage done that I could see that was caused by the 1 leak that  I did see and which was fixed. 

The We has never shown let alone put in writting any concern for my welbeing despite all the distress this has caused me and continued to caused me. No concern even when I had a heart attack. 

Marlene James - Housing  Officer, Kentish Town. Who decided she wasn't going to inform/involve me in knowing about her decision to have the communal lights changed from easy to use switches to not so easy to use and they don't stay on long timers buttons. The other 2 tenants knew about this, they where in when the switches where changed, yet I was excluded when I am the tenant who is the most adversely affected by her decision re my difficulties in getting up and down the stairs and the lights going.

Fri 17 July 2020
Tenant in flat C above me has been making a racket since around 11am this morning til around 11.30pm this eve - banging things about, talking loudly above my living room at her window, hoovering late at night and banging into everything sort of thing - i've had my radio on all this time to drown out her noise, and it doesn't always work unless i have the radio very loud and I don't like having to do that as it hurts my ears and head and isn't comfortable really for too long.  always sounded like jumping up and down in her living room on and off.

She always does this where she will be quiet for a few days and then wham the noise that goes on for hours, half the day sometimes longer.

Tenant below in flat A still isnt living in her flat - she was living somewhere else when the lock down started around 23  March 2020.

Sun 9 Aug 2020
Tenant below still isn't living in flat below but comes up to pick up letters etc and makes a big noisy exit - i guess to let me know. I can't help but feel agitated when I see/hear her and in some ways its a good thing she isn't living here as I really don't know how I would be if she was. I know I have to work on my reactions to her and to tenant above and not let them get to me so much - its very difficult for me, its like im being poked in an open wound and it really hurts and its instinctive to react by feeling angry/upset.

Mon 17 Aug 2020
I have been sent another letter with an appointment on it for a phone appointment with a Cardiologist as an out-patient, for the beginning of Nov 2020. I phoned up and checked the appointment was real as the letter i had received previously was for an appointment that didnt exist. The appointment is real apparently which is good. Its been over 7 months since I came out of hospital.

Sat 22 Aug 2020
Tenant came up and let me know she was there by making the noise when she left. She still isn't living in flat. 

Tues 27 Oct 2020

I have been going through my hospital discharge notes [summary] again to note down some things to ask the cardiologist when she phones me next week. 

From the notes I can work out some stuff, from doing some research online - but will get clarification from cardio next week.  

I know that a Catheter [a plastic tube] was used by the Surgeon, to thread a very thin wire through an artery in my wrist, and a dye injected into my arteries so that the Angiograph [  x-ray]  showed up the arteries in my heart - [to show any blockages/damage] 

and then a Angioplasty  performed   - a small balloon inserted and inflated [then removed when stent is placed] left side of heart

and a metal wire mesh stent inserted into my left artery, the stent remains there. I was given medication to take and monitored for 5 days at the hospital before i was discharged with the meds and a 2 page, 4 sides discharge summary. 

I wasn't told much whilst in hospital about the heart attack i had and the results of the angio's and Echo-cardiogram that was also done and I didn't really know what to ask about in any great detail. 

I know now though from the notes and doing my own research that it was more that a blocked artery and a stent put in - something about impaired Systolic function and Right Coronary Artery [RCA] mid vessel damage 

Sat 31 Oct 2020

I have another sore throat - when I shallow, different area of throat than last time and not so painful [felt like id swallowed a razorblade] - hoping its one of the 1/2 day bug things, ive been catching more of late. anyway i feel very tired mostly though can get out to do shopping etc when i need to [thankfully for now anyway].

Of late ive been thinking/feeling that I am dying, that the prognoisis isnt good, but i will wait to see what the Cardio says.

Tenant upstairs still slams her flat door and the front door, I still hear her every day and this upsets me, she doesnt care that I am ill [obviously 'hurry up and fucking die']  I hope i don't die in this place with camden council as landlord and her so close by to me etc, but poor [financially] people like me don't have much choice in such a matter and as for luck, well i havent had much of that these last few years but I am just waiting to die and I want to not be afraid  or depressed etc when I know for sure the time is coming. 

btw i sometimes see the tenant as she leaves the house saturday mornings to go somewhere and she is usually carrying one of those coffee/tea cups[with lids] that you get from a take away - just an observation. 

another observation: 2 council housing repairs blokes and 2 vans and what looked like a non job they where making a public show of doing - this was tuesday afternoon. I  filmed them and they saw me and didnt seem pleased and came over to the house [they went out of view at some point] then they went back across the road and finished up what they where doing. Business as usual in the housing department. 

Wed 4 Nov 2020

I had my phone appointment with the Cardiologist y/d - bar 1 of the medications, I will be on the 5 others for life and the Stent stays in for life. I will be sent an appointment to go to the hospital for another ECHOcardio-gram [ultra-sound] to see how the heart is re the systolic dysfunction. 

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/heart-failure/

Fri 13 Nov 2020

I have an appointment next week at the RFH for a ultra sound scan. 

Thurs 19 Nov 2020

Twice this week Moira Hogan [picture below] who has the tenancy in the flat below me, has been up to the property and been inside her flat. I know as she makes noise which I can hear. 

 Bar 4 nights prior to the incident of Thursday 2 July 2020, she hasn't lived in the flat but comes up and picks up post etc etc. 

I part blame her and the tenant above me Petra Hind and people

from Camden Council housing for the heart attack I had on 16 March 2020. I was very stressed before the HA because of MH and CC repeatedly trying to get in here on false and I believe malicious pretenses. The issue hasn't been resolved. 

15 February 2021 

Since the below 4 Nov 2020 entry, where the Cardiologist turned out to be the surgeon who performed the procedures on me that saved my life, to which I thanked him for - though as ive mentioned before i had/have times i wish i had died, I have had the Atorvastinstatin [used to lower bad [LDL or Non -HDL] cholesterol]  

80mg 1 a day reduced to 40mg 1 a day

Wed 4 Nov 2020

I had my phone appointment with the Cardiologist y/d - bar 1 of the medications, I will be on the 5 others for life and the Stent stays in for life. I will be sent an appointment to go to the hospital for another ECHOcardio-gram [ultra-sound] to see how the heart is re the systolic dysfunction. 

I think it was the 80mg dosage that was responsible for the pains in/around my heart as since the reduction to 40mg I haven't been experiencing them, other than occasionally, this im greatful for.  I am also coming to the end of  being prescribed Clopiodgrel 75mg 1 a day - until 16/3/2012, blood thinner, but will continue with taking 75mg Asprin everyday for ever apparently and the other 4 meds each day for life or until I hear otherwise from Cardiologist. 

Ah I nearly forgot: I still haven't received the results of the Nov 2020 ECHOcardio-gram [ultra-sound] and ECG of my heart - yes i know, the hospital is busy with all the Covid-19 stuff and whatnot so out-patients 'have to' be a bit more patient about such stuff - excuse the pun

3 March 2021

I feel like I want to die, i don't want to be me, to feel these feelings, make them go away - the tears again. i have to comfort myself, 'its ok its ok' till the next time.  

Sat 7 March 2021

Im not feeling too bad today. I have stopped with the talking therapy -which continued via zoom when things where locked down back in March 2020 due to covid 19 virus. It helped at times to have the group there and for that I'm thankful for, but it wasn't the right set-up for me to explore much in-depth things I needed/wanted to explore, maybe i'll be okay though. 

I've done a lot of work on myself over the last few years and I can say that without ego or banging any drums, I know I am stronger mentally than I thought I was, thought it hasn't always seemed that way and has taken lots of ups and downs, pain and tears as well as nice feeling and thoughts [yes i have them on occasions]. 

Sunday 14 March 2021

I'm supposed to decide where abouts I want to move to and try and get a move somehow to the area, with some help from a family member - but i can't decide where I want to go, really i'm so indecisive about this and have been for years. I know I want to get away from here - the tenant upstairs is still making noise, i can still hear her everyday - except y/d for some reason she was as quite as a mouse for at least 24hrs and it was bliss but as usual, i get lulled into a false sense of security and then noise starts again, over my bedroom and it carries on, off and on through out today. 

I don't want to move thats the thing as in ways I don't mind the flat [its not fancy or anything] or the area but I can't live in here till the day I die with Camden Council as landlord and the property with no insulation of any type, let alone noise and with the 2 other tenants around the place. 

The next move if it ever happens will have to be the last, I ain't no good at moving around so much. 

Tues 20 April 2021

Recent word from the DWP is that I am still in the same WRAG that they put me in months before the 23 March 2020  covid19 lock down and which I was in the process of querying [this was my last assessment late 2019]  but as many will know dealing with the DWP isn't a nice/easy experience even at the best of times, so come lockdown and heart attack I let the issue slip - though I did sent them in stuff about the HA but didnt hear back from them. 

I recently phoned up DWP and managed to actually get through to someone - who told me words along the lines of 'I had been sent a letter from them about my last assessment review and that I had been turned down -even after my heart attack]  well I hadn't received anything and said that but didnt push it as I knew it would be pointless. 

On top of the word about this I also received a letter from DWP about a charge Camden Council had put on my ESA sick payments [yes i am actually sick and haven't been pretending, though im not in a coma and can do some stuff, i can't do what i used to be able to do, physically/emotionally] The DWP didnt say what the charge was about other than housing [could be rent, service charge etc] or how much it was only the weekly amount to be deducted. 

I am in the process of querying this - after all the council has done they pull this on me. Im guessing what the charge is about but I d like the DWP to tell me what it is etc and I will challenge and the way the DWP operates though they will probably find some way to drag it out for so long that I forget about it/lose the will to carry on with it, or some other reason so they dont have to get me a proper answer etc. 

Sunday 30 May 2021

GP sent me a text saying something about rheumatoid markers being raised and i have an appointment with Rheumatology at local hospital in 2 months time. 

Thursday 17 Feb 2022

recent phone appointment with cardiologist seemed to go okay though I didnt say all i wanted to say[like about the coughing] but i don't suppose it matters - though the wrong side of my heart that has the stent in was noted in a letter I was cc-ed into cardio sent to GP. 

The breathlessness and coughing seems to be because my heart doesn't pump enough oxygenated blood to my lungs [ejection fraction at 41% - could be lower now 2 years on]. The depression and though mainly suppressed by the anti-depressants, is deep within me and I can feel it and the hopelessness i feel about life in general still persists. 

The not getting good sleep is still a problem for me - i can get to sleep but usually only for 2/3 hrs at a time. Hearing/reading about the links that bad sleep has to developing dementia doesn't help things [my father now deceased, had vascular dementia] I know I should put some real effort into trying to sort out the sleep thing but I don't seem to have that much motivation or will to do so. These last few years battling with this that and the other has taken so much out of me. 

Are there any positives in my life one may wonder - yes there are like my cat Jack, like things could be a lot worse than they are, that I can still at times laugh and see the beauty of the flowers, trees etc around me and the good some people do and I still feel in awe of some things far greater and beautiful than I. 

I can still feel love and empathy/compassion - though relationships aren't easy for me. 

30 March 2022

3 of my meds have been changed [ dosage increased] 

I keep thinking that I wish I was brave/strong or stupid enough [depending on how you look at it] to stop taking all the heart meds and wait and see what happens but i don't want to have another heart attack - as it wasn't a nice feeling at all, and not knowing at first what was happening inside of my body that was making me feel so ill, and that I had no control over it and then the physical pain and the breathlessness that I didn't realise what it was as my voice became so low and quiet i could only speak in barely a whisper. 

Im depressed - still - but it doesnt come out like it would if i wasn't taking the anti-depressants. i can feel it though, i sense it. the hopelessness, sadness, i try not to think of it too much, i don't in general THINK too much, not like id did when the Thing happened and my mind/brain went into overdrive, my friend i have neglected you for too long i thought, and I had. 

2 June 2022

I went to the hospital y/day for a echocardiogram [ultrasound] scan of my heart. I won't know results until I see cardiologist at August 2022 appointment - the first face-to-face appointment since heart attack on monday 16 march 2020.